


Let Me Protect You (Part 2 of Series)

by Marvelous34



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Roller Coaster, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Oral Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2018-12-27 17:37:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12086001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelous34/pseuds/Marvelous34
Summary: Now that Chris and Emilia have established their relationship, she moves into his house after her brother decides to live in New York.  Emilia is in bliss, thinking maybe her life will finally be at peace.  But are things always that easy in Emilia’s life?*This is the second part of the Let Me Protect You Series.  I highly recommend you read the first 30 chapters (Part 1 of series). It will make more sense if you do!





	1. Chapter 1

This was all a dream…right? You kept pinching yourself throughout the day as you packed up your small guest house into boxes, getting ready to move into Chris’ house. It had been two weeks since you returned from spending Christmas in Boston with Chris and his family. Two weeks since Eric told you he was selling his house and moving to New York to follow Frank while he started his new Netflix show. 

You were happy for him, you really were. He wanted to get out of your small town in Minnesota and he was doing that, and so much more. Smiling to yourself, you thought of memories of you and Eric growing up. He was honestly the best brother you could have ever imagined and you would miss him terribly. He was like an anchor to you, kept you steady, and now Chris would have to be your full anchor; but hell, he was already doing that for you. He kept you centered, anchored to the floor, just what you needed, and now you were going to live with him permanently. Life had definitely been a hell of a ride so far; but you wouldn’t be the person you were today without going through struggles. 

“Any more boxes you need me to put in your Jeep Em” Eric questioned as he walked through your front door. “Yeah, I got two more boxes in the bedroom and one in the bathroom” you yelled out from your closet. Most of your stuff was already at Chris’, as you had packed the non-essentials and had moving them slowly in over the last two weeks.  
All that was really left was your clothing, bathroom necessities, and kitchen stuff. You had decided to sell all your furniture except your bed. You didn’t need another couch, kitchen table and coffee table. Chris had all of that; but you wouldn’t part with your bed. That was your one condition you told Chris; your bed comes with. Chris’ bed was way bigger and more comfy than yours, so your bed would be put in one of the guestrooms. 

You packed the last of your clothing from the closet and sealed up the box as you walked to your Jeep with it. Eric was there, playing tetris with all the boxes and fitting them in perfectly. As you gave him the last box, you turned around and took one last look at the house; the sold sign standing proud in the front yard. You’ve had a lot of great memories over the past few months living here with your brother, and it broke you heart for it to all end. Tomorrow, Eric would be getting on a plane to New York; leaving you behind as he started the next chapter of his career. 

“Well, that’s the last of it” Eric broke you from your thoughts as you turned around to face him. Your body started shaking as you started sobbing. “C’mere” Eric pulled you into his arms as your hands went to his back, holding on for dear life. “It’ll be okay Em. I’m only a phone call away, and I’ll be back every month or two for meetings. Chris will take good care of you” he said in a soothing tone as your tears wet his shirt. “I-I know…but it still hu-hurts knowing you wo-won’t be here all the ti-time” you hiccupped out as your grip on his back lessened. Eric pulled away from you as he took in your appearance, giving you a slight smile. “A phone call away Em” he stated again as you nodded your head, wiping away your tears. “Okay” you mumbled out, “have a safe flight.” With one more bear hug from Eric, you got in your car and headed to your new house. 

It was a short drive, mainly back roads from Eric’s house to Chris’ which made it easier on your emotional self. Your medications kept your emotions mainly in check; controlling the outbursts of anger you would get. But all that was thrown out the window right now. This hurt even more than when he left you in Minnesota for some reason; and you didn’t have anyone to really rely on back then except for Charlie. Shuddering at the thought of Charlie, you pulled into Chris’, well, your driveway now, and turned your car off.  
You raise your right and stare at the ring on your middle finger; the promise ring Chris gave you for Christmas, your lip curling up into a smile. The sound of Dodger barking happily makes you look up to see Chris and Dodger heading towards you. 

“Why hello beautiful. Welcome home” Chris says; a huge grin plastering his face as he opens your car door. Just the sight of this beautiful man, the man you call yours, the man you love, makes your heart flutter and your sadness lifts instantly. You jump out of the car and into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist as he holds you up. “I love you” you whisper out as you start peppering kisses on his neck. His chuckle is instantaneous, “I love you too Ems.” His nose in buried in your hair as you hear him inhaling your scent, memorizing you once again. “Lets get the rest of your things inside and unpacked, then we can order in some dinner” Chris said and you were all smiles as you pulled away; looking into his gorgeous blue eyes. “Sounds perfect” you replied, moving in to capture his lips with yours. 

A few hours later, you were unpacking the last of your clothes in the closet as Chris called for you, letting you know dinner had arrived. Your stomach grumbled at the thought of food as you hadn’t eaten all day. Chris said he would be ordering from one of his favorite pasta restaurants and you couldn’t wait; pasta after a long hard day sounded wonderful. 

You raced down the stairs, making Dodger all hyper at your actions, jumping around at your feet. You let out a giggle as you kneeled down and scratched behind his ear; his tail wagging happily. “You are so damn cute Dodger” you said giving him a kiss on his nose. You noticed Chris had everything plated and ready to go. “I’m so hungry!!!!” you exclaimed as you sat down at the table across from Chris. As your eyes roamed the table, taking in all the pasta and breadsticks, you felt like you were being watched. Knowing who the culprit was, you raised your eyes and were met with the loving eyes of your boyfriend, a sly smile on his face. “What?” you asked nervously as you crinkled your eyebrows together. Letting out a slight chuckle, Chris reached to the floor to pick up a bag, and placed it right in front of you. You looked from the bag, to Chris, back and forth a few times before speaking up. “Aaaaand what’s this?” Chris shrugged at you, “why don’t you open it and see?” he said. Grabbing the bag hesitantly, you peaked inside, not knowing if something was going to pop out and scare you. There wasn’t a card or anything of that like, so you took out the tissue paper one by one. At the bottom, there was something wrapped in more tissue paper. As you took it out and unraveled it, your heart burst in your chest at the loving gesture of Chris’ gift. It was your favorite picture of the two of you and Dodger at the beach in a beautiful picture frame. The same picture that Charlie broke when he assaulted you not too long ago. A single tear of happiness fell down your cheek as you looked up to Chris. “Think of it as a house warming gift, from Dodger and I” Chris stated softly. You sprang off your chair and onto Chris’ lap; your arms wrapping tightly around his neck. “It’s perfect. Thank you Chris” you expressed quietly. 

The two of you sat there in each-other’s arms for quite some time, before realizing you guys had a table of food to eat. The food was amazing and your stomach was very happy with you. As you finished your first glass of wine, you got a bit more comfortable in your state as you wanted to ask Chris some questions. 

“I umm” you cleared your throat before beginning again, “I ahh, wanted to ask you a question” you croaked out shyly. “I’m all ears beautiful” Chris answered you as he reached for his own glass of wine. Letting out a deep breath, you went for it, “what are some of your kinks?” you questioned as you felt the heat rise to your face. It always felt weird to you, talking about things sexually because you just weren’t used to it. Your sex life with Chris was amazing, but you wanted to know more about what he liked, to spice it up even more. Chris set down his wine glass as he folded his hands in front of him, a smirk on his face; his eyes becoming mischievous. “Well, you know I’m an ass man” he stated matter-of-fact and all you could do was nod. You had never had anal sex and you figured Chris liked that; hell, almost every guy liked that. “I find lingerie a huge turn on. I love to spank in bed. Biting and scratching, as long as it can be hidden by clothes. I’ve never cared for role playing” he finished. 

It felt like your face was pulsating from heat, a mixture of being nervous and embarrassed by this conversation, and from the wine. “What about you Ems?” he asked, making you look up to meet his eyes. “I’ve never done anal before and it makes me really nervous” you quipped shyly, afraid he would be mad or disappointed in you. “Baby, I would never in a million years push you to do something you don’t want to do” he said as he got up from his spot to kneel before you; his hands resting on your thighs. “Now why don’t you tell me your kinks” he said huskily before giving you sultry kisses on your neck. “Umm, well, I don’t have a lot of experience with kinks in the bedroom, but there is stuff I’ve wanted to try” you started to say, but his kisses were soon becoming distracting. Your hands went to his hair, gripping tight as you pulled his head away from your neck. “You’re distracting me” you declared with a smirk.

He planted a quick kiss to your lips before jogging back to his chair. He sat down, elbows on the table as he placed his head in his hands; eyes glued to you waiting for you to continue. “Like I said, I’ve haven’t got much experience. But there are things I wouldn’t mind trying. Spanking being one of them. I’ve also always wanted someone to dominate me in bed; maybe some hair pulling, dirty talk, that kind of thing” you explained as you felt yourself getting wet just thinking about things. You imagined Chris dominating you in bed and it was the biggest turn on ever. “I guess we will just have to try some things out now won’t we” he said giving you a wink. “Shit” your mind howled out, “you are so done for.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was starting to happen again, just as you feared it would. It felt as if the medication you were taking for your anxiety and depression wasn’t working quite as well as it should be. When you first started taking your medication, everything seemed perfect. The medication was doing its job, and you felt in control of your emotions and everything about yourself for once in your life. But, just like everything else in your life, all good things must come to an end. You kept on meeting with your Psychiatrist Patricia, but because you were improving so well, your appointments were narrowed down to only four times a month. You weren’t disappointed about it; in fact, it gave you more time to work on your crafts for your Etsy business. It also gave you more time with Chris. 

Ahh, Chris. Your terrific boyfriend; that meatball. He made you so damn happy all the time. That sparkle in his eye when he looked at you, made you feel alive; made you feel worthy. The way he husks out your name when you two were having sex, always turned you on even more. You had yet to find a flaw in Chris, and you hoped you never would. Of course nobody was perfect, but you wouldn’t mind if that meatball of your boyfriend was perfect, because he sure seemed like it. 

It was the end of January, the air crisp and cool in Los Angeles. Chris was out with his agent all day long, taking care of business for when he started filming Avengers Infinity War sometime this spring. The house was all clean so you got working on some new craft ideas that you wanted to sell. 

Chris had turned one of the guest rooms into your crafting room and you loved it; it had everything you could ever want. You had even spent your gift cards you got for Christmas on a bunch of great items to help you out. As you were working away, your phone alerted you to an incoming text message. 

Chris: Have I told you lately that I love you ;)

Your face lit up in a striking smile at his message. It was simple, cute, and to the point, just like Chris. Your heart swelled knowing that he was all yours. It still ceased to amaze you that he chose you. 

Emilia: Only about a half dozen times…..today :p When will you be home?

Chris: Fuck, it won’t be until later. There is a lot more shit going on than I thought. Maybe 7 or 8 sweetheart

Emilia: I’ll have dinner ready for when you get home babe

Chris: Damn woman I love you

Emilia: I love you too Chris. Get back to work slacker ;)

You immediately went into the closet of your craft room, where a lot of your belongings were stored. Glancing around the closet, your eyes land on what you were looking for. Opening the box, you start sifting through papers, trying to find your families recipe book. You froze when you saw the manila folder that held paperwork from when you were diagnosed with your mental illness. 

Grabbing the folder, you opened it up and skimmed through the documents. 

Borderline Personality Disorder:   
-Compulsive Behavior  
-Hostility  
-Self-Harm  
-Thoughts of Suicide  
-Mood Swings  
-General Discontent  
-A pattern of unstable relationships such as idealizing someone one moment, then suddenly believing the person is cruel or doesn’t care  
-Intense fear of abandonment

Your eyes stayed glued to the symptoms of what you were diagnosed with, still unbelieving them. This wasn’t really you. No. Your psychiatrist was full of it. Who did she think she was to diagnose you with this kind of crap? “Garbage” you muttered hastily to nobody but yourself as you took the folder and ripped it in half. 

You kept digging until you found the recipe book. “Come on Dodger, lets find something your daddy will enjoy” you said to Dodger as he happily sat up from his spot on the floor and walked with you down the stairs and to the kitchen. 

It was nearing 5 o’clock when you decided on what you were going to make. Comfort food in the middle of winter is what you were craving, so it would be Tator Tot Hotdish and you hoped Chris would like it. You had an idea run through you mind and you quickly ran upstairs to change into something more comfortable before starting. 

It didn’t take long to brown the hamburger and get the rest of the ingredients together before you were putting it into the oven to bake. You had plenty of time to kill, so you decided to get out a pen and paper and start writing a grocery list because there wasn’t much in the kitchen. Plus, Chris was going to need to start his diet and workout regime soon and he would need certain food for that. 

It was before 6pm Chris came walking in from the garage. “Honey, I’m home” he said loud and proud. Not being able to contain yourself, you let out a giggle, “you are such a dork.” He rounded the corner to the kitchen and froze in his steps when he saw you. You were wearing one of his dark blue dress shirts, and nothing else; it just barely covered your ass. He stayed frozen in his place, his gaze straight on your body, going up and down your frame. You felt a bit self-conscious, not knowing if he was happy, or mad that you invaded his wardrobe; the heat brushing onto your face. 

Chris’ eyes never left yours as he marched forth, like a predator stalking his prey. He was the predator, and you were his prey, and he wanted you badly. His lips crashed onto yours in a bruising way; his hands snaking around your waist tightly. You let out a breathy moan into his mouth as his teeth nibbled on your lower plump lip. You felt the wetness pooling in your panties, his touch igniting fire deep into your bones. Chris leaned down to grasp behind your thighs, his lips never parting from yours as he hoisted you into his arms and set you down on the kitchen island. Your legs immediately wrapped around his backside as your heels nudged his ass, moving him closer to you. 

His lips departed from yours and you let out a soft whimper at the loss of touch. You nibbled on your own lip as his gaze seared into you. Cupping your face in his large hands, his thumb ran over your lip which made you let go of your bite. His eyes were black as night and your heart galloped. “Touch me Chris” you purred softly. As the words left your mouth, his lips connected with your neck as his quick hands made do of unbuttoning your shirt. 

The shirt you were wearing was quickly removed and tossed somewhere to the floor. Your hands went straight for his pants and swiftly undid his button and zipper as your hands reached to his ass and grabbed a handful. He let out an animalistic growl as his hands were placed on your chest, making you lean back fully onto the table. “So beautiful” he groaned out as he trailed kisses from your stomach to your soaking pussy. His mouth finally found where you were silently begging for it to be placed. “FUCK!” you screamed out as his tongue flicked your clit. Your fingers frantically searched around for something to hold onto, but you came up short, so you settled for Chris’ hair. Of course he didn’t mind, in fact, it only instigated him more as he moaned right over your mound. “Close…I’m so close baby” you panted out, your breathing erratic. It only took the one finger he inserted into your dripping core before you almost instantly clenched around his fingers and you screamed his name. 

He removed his finger from you center, his tongue licking up your juices. Your body convulsed with aftershocks of your orgasm. Using all your strength, you leaned up onto your elbows to see Chris taking his pants and boxers off in one quick motion. You didn’t even have time to sit up before Chris grabbed your legs, placed them around his torso and picked you up. You let out a squeal as your arms wrapped around his neck for support, his hands on your ass. He walked with ease towards the kitchen table and took a seat at one of the chairs. You had to admit, the height of the chair was perfect for you. Your legs were straddling Chris, your feet touched the floor easily; you knew exactly where this was heading. 

You ground your hips down onto his rock hard cock and Chris’ head fell back, a low moan escaping his mouth. Taking this as the perfect opportunity, your lips found his neck. You trailed open, wet kisses all over his neck and throat as your hips continued to gyrate onto him. “Fuck me” he groaned out at your ministrations and it was all you needed to here. Gripping the base of his cock, you lined it up at your entrance and teased your slit a little before sinking down onto him; your wetness coating his cock as it entered with ease. 

Your forehead rested against Chris’ as you gave yourself a minute to adjust around him. “Fuck…no condom” Chris rasped out nervously. You shook your head at him, “I got on the pill a month ago.” He let out a sigh, realizing everything would be ok. Leaning in, you acquired his lips to yours as you raised yourself up, and then slowly sunk back down. Chris’ hands trembled slightly as they were placed on your hips. Your legs raised yourself up again before sinking down; continue your slow torturous pace for a few more minutes. “Baby…your killing me here” Chris breathed onto your face, his hands gripping you tighter. 

Deciding to end the torturous slow pace, your speed picked up as you tilted back, Chris’ dick hitting a new angle inside you as you cried out. From the angle you were at, your orgasm shattered through your body rather quickly as white spots formed in your vision; your eyes clenched tight. Your pace slowed because of your high so Chris helped you out by grabbing under your thighs and helping you move faster. You were out of breath, sweat glistening both of your bodies. Chris’ cock twitched inside of you as his hands left your thighs and hugged you to him, his warm seed filling you up. 

The two of you sat there on the chair, arms around embraced. The sex was powerful and set your soul ablaze; never feeling this kind of love before. It felt like you would never be able to get enough of him. As your and Chris’ breathing became regular, the oven timer went off and a chuckled escaped your lips. Pulling away, your eyebrows raised high, “hungry?”


	3. Chapter 3

A week into moving in with Chris, everything seemed to be going rather well. Naturally, you had spent nearly a month with him in October when Eric was in New York for business. Chris was eating everything and anything he could before he needed to start his diet and workout regime for the new Avengers movie. Between the pasta and all the baked goodies you made over the last week, you definitely put on a few pounds. It worried you to no avail that Chris would break up with you because of it.

Deciding whether or not to keep taking your medication or not was also weighing heavily on your mind. On one hand, it worked pretty well for the past few months, keeping your emotions in check. But slowly over time, you had noticed that you started to become like the old you. Your emotions were really starting to creep back through, but you fought them pretty good. Quitting the medication was what you ended up deciding. You were going to hide it from Chris though. With everything that was going on with his life, you didn’t need or want to add any more pressure. He was amazing as ever, and you were pretty sure you would be strong enough to handle things thrown your way. 

“Baby, something came in the mail for you today” Chris yelled from downstairs. What could you possibly get in the mail besides bills? Strolling down the stairs with Dodger at your feet, you made your way to Chris’ office where you saw him sorting the mail. Sneaking up behind him, you placed your arms around his waist, giving him sweet kisses on his shoulders. A pleasant humming sound escaped his lips and it warmed your body. 

Turning around, he handed you a large manila folder. Quirking your eyebrows at it, you took the folder from his hands and tore into it. Your eyes grazed the paper; breath hitching in your throat. Your heart started to pound as you read over the words again. It was a trial date set for Charlie. Images of him flashed through your mind like a flood, his words cutting into you like knives. Chris saw your startled look and took you into his arms, “Emilia, what is it?” Charlie’s words still shuffled through your mind. Was Charlie right? Was Minka right too? Were you not good enough for Chris? All your previous thoughts about getting into a relationship with a famous actor drowned out anything happening to you in reality. You weren’t ever going to be good enough, for anyone. Things were great now, but what happens in six months from now? A year? Chris will find someone better, more deserving. 

“Ems?!” Chris’ worrisome tone broke you from your revere. “Huh? Oh…umm..it’s Charlie’s trial date…for the domestic charges” you stated flatly. Your emotions were shooting throughout your body, but you needed to be calm, hide those emotions from Chris. He pulled you into a hug, “Are you going to go to the trial” he asked a bit hesitantly. You shrugged out of his arms, “don’t know” was all you said as you walked away. 

Silent tears escaped your eyes as you walked away from Chris, heading upstairs to your shared bedroom. Everything was fine; everything was perfect until you got that damn statement of Charlie’s trial. All the emotions coursed through your body like a raging flood. You needed a release, needed an outlet, but you wanted to be strong. You paced around your bedroom, not knowing what to do. Do you cut, give yourself the release you truly and desperately wanted? Or do you be strong? This is why you hated taking medications! Because once you went off of them, everything came barreling back ten times worse! 

“NO!” you quietly scolded yourself, “I CAN DO THIS!” You were going to be strong; you weren’t going to cave in. You hustled down the stairs and grabbed your purse; some fresh air would hopefully do you some good. 

“Where are you going Ems?” Chris asked you as he walked out of his office to see you standing there with your purse. “Just out” you replied flatly. You didn’t want to get into a discussion right now; you just needed to go for a drive, clear your head, maybe scream a little; things would be ok then, you would be ok. 

Chris stepped into your way as you tried to leave. “Don’t walk away mad Emilia” he said with frustration. This is not what you wanted to happen. Not only did you not need him to be scolding you right now, it couldn’t happen. You knew the rage burning up inside of you would take over, and it wouldn’t end pretty. Before when you acted in your childish ways and threw tantrums like this, Chris knew without anyone telling him how to handle you. But this rage was different. It felt like the medication went from working wonders, to turning you into someone you weren’t; someone worse. That was why you wanted to get off it, but you still didn’t feel like yourself. 

“Move please” you reproached as you stared him in the eyes, showing no mercy. “No Emilia. I am not letting you walk out that door when you’re acting this way. Talk to me. Please” he begged. But you saw right through it. He was an actor; this is what he did right? Acted with you, acted like he cared when he really didn’t. 

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you went to move around him but his hand jumped out to catch your arm. You yanked your arm out of his grasp as you stared at him, flabbergasted. Shaking your head at Chris, you turned your back to him again, walking away. “DON’T YOU WALK OUT THAT GODDAMN DOOR EMILIA” he shouted. His voice made you pause your steps. Turning back around to face him, a single tear fell down your cheek. “Watch me” you expressed sourly as you marched forward, slamming the door behind you. 

~~~

“Hey, you’ve reached Eric’s voicemail. Tell me what I need to know after the beep.” 

Beep

“Ah, hey Eric, Chris here. Umm…I ahh…I didn’t know who else to call. Look, Emilia just did a 180 on me and kind of flipped out for what I see is no apparent reason. She just stormed out on me, slammed the door in my face. I don’t really know what is going on with her. I mean, it happened to suddenly. She has been acting a bit off this past week and I don’t know if she stopped taking her medications or what’s going on. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks man. Bye. 

~~~

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!” you screamed to only yourself, as you sat in your Jeep, parked at an empty park. “Why do you have to keep fucking up such good things in your life??” you cried out, your breathing ragged. You should have just told Patricia the medication wasn’t working that well anymore; but you really didn’t want to switch medications back and forth to find what works best. It was the worst feeling in the world, and sometimes certain medications can make you feel worse! You didn’t ask for this, you didn’t want this. It wasn’t fair that you were dealt such a shitty way of life. It wasn’t fair to others that you kept ruining your relationships. Chris didn’t deserve you and all of your misery. It wasn’t his fault at all, yet you acted like it was, treated him like shit. 

You didn’t want to lose Chris, but you were so scared he was going to break up with you at some point. Glancing down, you peered at the beautiful ring on your right hand. Just looking at the ring made your heart clench with worry. Did you just ruin your relationship by walking away? Did Chris take that literally? Your heart started pounding in your chest; your throat feeling tight. 

Your phone was going off at an alarming rate; missed phone calls, voicemails, and texts all from Chris. 

Chris: Where are you?

Chris: Answer your phone

Chris: Emilia I’m starting to get worried

Chris: Baby you’ve been gone for two hours now. Please talk to me

Your heart breaking more and more with each text you read from Chris. His face lit up on your screen as he tried calling you again. 

Sliding your thumb over the green button, you answered. “Ch-chris. I’m so sor-sorry” you wailed out as your body shook with sobs, begging you didn’t ruin this. “Emilia calm down beautiful. Where are you?” he sounded so nervous. 

“I’m umm at-at a park bu-but I’m gonna come ho-home if tha-that’s alright?” you hiccupped out as you were trying to calm your tears as best you could.   
“No Emilia, you are not driving in your condition. What park are you at? I’m coming to you” he stated clearly. 

After finally calming down to the point of figuring out what random park you were at, the two of you hung up as you started to break down again. Was he going to end this? Was he finally fed up with all the shit you’ve put him through? Placing your hands on your face, you let your body take control as your sobbing took over. 

You didn’t even realize Chris was standing outside your door until he opened it. Startled, you removed your hands from your face and peered up at him. He looked so sad, so lost in what to do, and it was your entire fault. You lunged at him, gripping him by his back as you continued to sob. He gently sat the both of you down on the ground as he rocked you back and forth, his arms encasing you. 

“I’m so sorry” you said shaking your head at how stupid you acted, “please don’t leave me.”

“Sweetheart, there is nothing you could do to make me love you any less” he retorted, his voice trying to calm you down. “It’s just a bad day Ems, we all have them. I would never leave you over a bad day like this. Baby, you have to trust me.”

You didn’t know how long you stayed in his arms, sitting on the ground of the parking lot in the park; but you didn’t care. It was what you needed. You needed to feel protected and safe; you needed protecting from yourself, and Chris was always there for you. 

“Come on, we’ll take my car home and pick yours up tomorrow” he said as he picked you up, your legs shaky from the events. He helped you into his car before jogging around to his side of the car. Once safely buckled up, Chris leaned over to kiss your cheek. “I love you Ems. Nothing will change that.” 

You turned to face him, heat creeping into your cheeks, feeling embarrassed by the way you acted hours earlier. “I love you too Chris” you replied, your voice dry and hoarse.   
The two of you made the drive to his house in silence. Your stomach churning as you felt there was more to this conversation than he was letting on.


	4. Chapter 4

Dodger greeted you happily, his tail wagging at a frantic pace as you and Chris walked through the door. You bent down as you nuzzled his head to yours, giving him scratches behind his ear just the way he loved. “You’re a good boy Dodger” you said, your voice cracking a bit. 

Chris set his keys down on the kitchen counter as he watched your loving embrace with Dodger. His heart hurt, seeing you this way. You were doing so well recently, and he wasn’t sure if it was really just a bad day, or if it was something more. He wanted to talk to you about it, but he was afraid to push you. He didn’t want you to have another   
episode like you just did. 

Getting back up to your feet, you placed your purse down and glanced nervously at Chris. “I’m going to take a shower” you said, barely above a whisper. Your eyes locked onto his, and you could see the hurt and sadness in his eyes. You walked out on him instead of sitting down and talking about things and you felt horrible about it. Your damn emotions getting in the way of things again. It worried you to no avail; how far would you take things; were you strong enough to really handle it all? “Mind if I join you in a minute?” Chris asked with sorrow in his eyes. You tried to give him a smile, but it came out weak, “Sure” you replied as you backed away and headed upstairs. 

Chris looked down at his phone and realized he had a voicemail from Eric. As he dialed his voicemail, he hoped Eric might have some advice for him. 

“Hey Chris, Eric here. I was worried something like this would happen after I left. Look, my guess is she quit taking her medications. She’s done it before in the past many times. She says the medications just don’t work that well and she refuses to try other medications right away because she thinks they will make everything worse. Just don’t go accusing her of things right off the bat. The best thing is to just make her calm as much as you can. Once she calms down, then you can start asking her questions. Accusing her and asking her questions when she’s having an episode is not something you want to do, it just makes things worse. I’ll try to call her sometime tomorrow and see if she will tell me anything. Give me a call anytime you need. Take care of her for me. Bye.”

Chris sighed as he ended the voicemail. He fucked up earlier, demanding that you stay while during your episode. Sighing heavily, he put the phone on the counter as he trudged up the stairs to join you in the shower. 

The heat was doing wonders on your body, easing every ounce of tension you had. Your moody episodes always sent your body in to tense mode, and you ached afterwards each   
time. 

You heard Chris open the glass shower door as he joined you in the heavily fogged shower. You stood there, facing the showerhead as water poured down on you. Chris came up behind you as his hands placed onto your shoulders, massaging gently. A moan escaped your lips at how wonderful his hands felt on your muscles. He let out a small chuckle, “Feel good beautiful?” his husky voice sent shivers straight to your core. You nodded, your head falling back to rest on his chest. 

Hearing the sound of him opening the shower gel, your nostrils instantly were invaded with the smell of the soap. He poured a generous amount onto his hands and lathered it into bubbles before he started washing your body. His hands freely roamed over your body and you had to bit your lip from moaning. Your head still rested on his chest as his hands cupped your breasts. You arched your back into him as his fingers played with your hardening nipples. Your breath hitched in your throat as his fingers tweaked your nipples; his mouth nibbling on your neck. “You like that baby?” Chris mewled into your ear making you jolt. Another moan escaped your lips, “Yes” you replied as your hands went to his neck, holding on for support. 

The soap washed away from your body as his hands traveled south, cupping your heated sex. “AAhhh” you cried out in pleasure, his hands where you needed him most. His middle finger circled your throbbing button torturously slow as your breathing became ragged. He removed his finger from you nub to grasp your right leg, hoisting it up on the ledge. Now that he had better access, he plunged his middle finger into you, causing you to scream out. Another long digit was inserted into you, his palm hitting your clit with each thrust of his fingers. You were a moaning mess, your body on fire from the steam in the room and Chris’ ministrations. He always made you feel so alive during your intimate moments and you craved more. 

“Do you like it when my fingers are buried into your pussy Ems?” Chris asked gruffly, his words only turning you on more. “Fuck Chris yes. I love it” you replied, gasping loudly when you felt your orgasm nearing. 

Chris knew your high was nearing as your walls were getting tighter. He swiftly removed his fingers; you whimpered at the sudden loss. Grabbing you by the hips, he readjusted you so you were now facing the wall. His right hand slid down to your thigh, and hoisted it up while his other hand teased your dripping slit with his cock. Before you knew it, he thrusted into you with such force, barely giving you enough time to place your hands on the wall for support. 

The angle at which his cock was buried deep inside you made you gasp. Your sex life with Chris was amazing and you didn’t think it could possibly get better, but here he was proving you wrong again. “Fuck baby you feel amazing. I want you to scream my name when you cum.” This more aggressive and dominant side of Chris made you desperately want him even more; it was such a turn on.

His left hand reached around to play with your clit; your back arching into him even more. Your high was building at such a fast pace, you couldn’t keep up with your breathing. He pinched your clit and it sent you toppling over the edge, stars blurred your vision as you screamed “CHRIS!” over and over. 

Chris’ thrusts faltered and you knew he was close behind you. You reached down and cupped his balls, squeezing tenderly. “FUCK EMILIA” he roared, his hips stilling inside of you as you felt his hot seed enter you. Chris collapsed forward, pinning you to the wall as the two of you caught your breath. 

“I love you Ems” he silkily said into your ear, causing your body to shiver. “I love you too Chris” you replied softly. 

He pulled out of you slowly; grabbing the loofah to wash you clean. Both of you continued your shower, washing each other. This became somewhat of a favorite past time for you both; lazily washing each other in the shower. It was a bond that was formed months ago, and it was the first time you realized you truly were in love with Chris.   
Once finished, Chris wrapped you in a fluffy towel, then picked you up and brought you to the bedroom. He placed you gently on the bed, and wrapped the covers around you like a cocoon. “I’m going to feed Dodger and let him out. I’ll be right back” he stated before giving you a kiss on your forehead. 

As you snuggled deeper into the bed, getting comfortable, your mind drifted. You were still paranoid that one day Chris would leave you; that he would get so fed up with your moodiness. But at the same time, he has seen the worst in you and he hasn’t left you yet. 

Your eyes became heavy as they closed, waiting for Chris to return. Before slipping to unconsciousness, you felt the bed dip behind you as Chris wrapped his arms around your torso, pulling you close to him.


	5. Chapter 5

A week later you found yourself in the passenger side of Chris’ car, Chris with a giddy ass grin on his face as he drove you two to Disneyland. “You are such a dork” you said to him with a smile, Disney songs blasting through the speakers as he drove. 

He turned his head to face you; “You love me and you know it,” came his reply, a boyish grin on his face. 

You couldn’t help but laugh, loving the way he was so excited over this. Turning your head, you stared out the window, your thoughts wandering about your head. It had been a rather good week since your moody episode; nothing else triggered you which you were thankful for. 

Naturally, Eric called you the day after your melodramatic scene, trying to get information out of you. He asked if you were still taking your meds and you lied, saying you were.   
You didn’t think he believed you, but he didn’t press it anymore. Of course you wanted to tell Chris that you stopped taking your medications, but it worried you. You were scared that he would give you an ultimatum; either go back on your medications, or he would break up with you, so you decided on not telling him, at least for a little while.   
Chris also got last minute news about going to Louisiana for Wizard World Comic Con with the rest of the Avengers cast, and it just so happens to be the day of Charlie’s trial and hearing. He told you he would back out of it, that he would stay home for you, but you refused to let him. He loved his fans and you didn’t want him to disappoint them. You told him you would probably not even bother going to the hearing anyways. 

Chris pulled into the parking lot at Disneyworld and you sighed in relief, happy that you two decided to go in the middle of the week so it wasn’t too terribly busy. With Chris’ “disguise” on, you walked to the gates and entered. 

You had never been to Disneyland or Disneyworld before, so you were a little bit excited to go on some rides. “Can I get some Mickey Mouse ears?” you asked Chris in a playful tone, your bottom lip jutting out to fake pout. His eyes widened, “Are you pouting right now?” he asked his tone playful. You batted your eyelashes at him causing a bark of laughter to leave his throat. “Come here” he told you as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “We can do anything you want here today beautiful.” You gave him a luscious grin before his lips captured yours. The sweet and tender kiss made your toes curl, feeling the love being poured from him to you. 

As Chris had been to Disneyland numerous times, you forgo getting a tour, as Chris was your personal tour guide. He knew everywhere to go, everything to see, and he was damn proud of that. Once you got your Mickey Mouse ears in place, he showed you to his favorite place to eat where you got some brunch. Naturally, you had to get the Mickey Mouse pancakes and boy were they delicious. 

You noticed a little boy at the table next to yours wearing a Captain America outfit and you couldn’t help the smile that reached your face when he recognized Chris. He got off his chair and ambled over to Chris, “Umm, excuse me, but are you really Captain America?” the little boy asked shyly. You bit your lower lip, trying to not smile too big as you watched Chris interact with not only a fan, but a little kid, for the first time ever. It seemed so natural to him, so easy, and your heart fluttered at the way he spoke to this little boy. 

The little boy’s mother came over to apologize, but Chris reassured her it was alright; he even took a picture with him and autographed his shield for him. You finished your brunch and continued on your way. 

With Chris’ hand in yours, you kept glancing up to him, giving him little smirks. “What’s with the cutesy looks babe?” Chris asked you with a smile of his own. You shrugged at him, “I just really love you, that’s all” you retorted. His always contagious grin came about his face as he squeezed your hand, “Well good, because I really love you too Ems.”  
He took you on all the best rides and your throat was hoarse from all the screaming you were doing. You loved rides to no avail, the thrill and the butterflies in your stomach was the best feeling at a theme park. Chris also took you to the shops along Main Street USA. You ended up buying some souvenirs for your brother and dad that you knew they would love. You also bought yourself your own keychain with your name on one side, and Disneyland scrawled out on the other side. 

As the two of you walked along the day, you came to the conclusion that Chris being here was no longer a secret. You saw people trying to not so discreetly take photos of you two. Mentally sighing in your head, you tried to not let it get to you; of course it was bound to happen. After your trip to Boston, anyone and everyone wanted to get pictures of Chris Evans and his new girlfriend. You felt your face heat up, worried about the way you looked and what the articles would say tomorrow when the photos got out.   
Chris felt you tense immediately. He let go of your hand and instead wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling him to you. “Just ignore them Ems. It’s just you and I today alright? Pretend they aren’t even here” he told you softly; your shoulders easing a bit of tension. 

The rest of the afternoon and evening at the park went by as smoothly as it could possibly go. Chris asked if you wanted to stay for the fireworks and of course you said yes. You had heard it was one of the best parts about coming here. 

The two of you found a nice quiet place away from everyone in the grass. Chris sat down, his legs spread apart so you could sit in front of him, your back to his chest. His arms wrapped around you lovingly as his chin rested on your shoulder. “Thank you for this Ems. I had a great time” he buzzed into your ear. Turning your head to face him, you   
quickly pecked him on his lips, “Thank you for being my tour guide yet again. I enjoyed it.”

The fireworks were phenomenal; you had never witnessed such a grand show before. The colors, the shapes and patterns, you were awe struck by them. Chris kept chuckling at your priceless reactions to them, and you felt like a little kid again. 

~~~

Driving back from Disneyland, you got a sudden thought in your head. Pictures and articles would probably be posted on the internet tomorrow. Chris always told you to ignore them as they wrote what they wanted to, and most of the time it wasn’t true at all. But it still made you worried. What if Chris read the articles and read the comments. You knew the comments from fans wouldn’t be too particularly pleasant. What if he left you because his fans were mad about him dating you? You had to show him being with you was worth it. 

Your hand slid over the console and touched his thigh lightly, his body jolted at first, startled from your touch. “I had so much fun today Chris” you said in your most seductive voice as your hand went higher up his thigh. “I’m glad you did sweetheart” he replied, his tone warm. Leaning over even more, you nipped at his neck softly, tracing your tongue over the mark. Through his pants, you could feel him getting harder by the second as your tongue trailed along his neck, finding his sweet spot and latching on. 

He growled as your hand started to unbuckle his belt. “What are you doing Emilia?” his sinful voice echoed in your ears causing you to drip with arousal. You clenched your thighs together; putting pressure on your clit as you finally unzipped his pants. “Having a little fun” you stated nonchalantly. 

Reaching into his boxers, you pulled his fully erect cock out and pumped him a few times. “Are you going to be able to concentrate on the road?” you asked as you teased his tip with your thumb. “Fucking hell” he quickly groaned, “Yes baby.”

It was all you needed to hear before you tongue swiped over his tip, his salty pre-cum invading your mouth. You teased him mercilessly with your tongue before finally taking him into your mouth, as low as you could manage; your right hand at his base where you couldn’t reach. One of his hands left the steering wheel to grasp your hair; giving you an idea. “Use me Chris, set your own pace” you declared before taking him into your mouth again. 

Chris didn’t have to be told twice as his fingers bundled into your hair, using it to push your head down and pull it back up. You knew he was going easy on you, not making you deep throat him or anything and you loved that about him. You just wanted him to be in control of this situation. 

You hollowed out your cheeks and used your hand to pump him where your mouth couldn’t take him. His loud breathy moans filling up the car. “Shit, I’m close baby” he panted out. Thankful for his warning, you moaned around his cock and it had him coming instantly; his seed filling your mouth and coating down your throat. 

You placed his member back into his boxers and situated into your seat, cleaning off your mouth. Looking over at Chris, you gave him a wink as he just chuckled and shook his head. “What was that for? Not that I’m complaining or anything!” 

“I just wanted to show you how much I love you” you replied sheepishly. He took your hand in his, putting it to his lips to give it a kiss. Moving your head to look out the window, you hoped it was enough, that you were enough for him.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, you woke up early, not being able to sleep; your mind in a constant panic over what the articles would say about you and Chris, specifically you. Chris was still passed out, Dodger lying at his feet on the bed. Smiling softly, you quietly get out of bed, grabbing your phone, and doing your morning duties in the bathroom. 

Taking a seat on the couch, you pull up in the internet on your phone, and type in “Chris Evans” in the search bar. Dozens of articles appeared on the screen, many of them talking about your trip to Disneyland. Inwardly groaning, you decided to click on the TMZ article at the top. 

Chris Evans And His New Girlfriend Spend The Day At Disneyland

It appears that our celebrity hero, Captain America himself Chris Evans spent the day at Disneyland yesterday, and he was not alone. Our sources say he was seen holding hands and canoodling who appeared to be the same woman who was seen with him in Boston over the holidays. No one has yet to figure out who his mystery lady is. 

*His rep was not reached in time for a comment*

“Ok, that wasn’t so bad” you softly spoke aloud. Your heart rate increased speed as you saw just how many comments were left under the article. Internally battling, you didn’t know what to do. Chris always told you not to bother reading comments or any news article about him that he hasn’t given an interview for. He said they also warp things into sounding bad; and that the comments would most likely hurt. But you had to know; you had to know what people thought of you. You were dating someone in the spotlight. If this kept up for years, sooner or later, you would probably be attending shows and functions with Chris. 

Taking a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, you let it out as you pressed comments. 

You regretted it instantly. Almost everything that was said hurt you; hurt you to your core. 

THAT’S the person he’s dating?

She’s not even pretty.

She doesn’t look good enough for him.

He could do so much better.

She’s actually pretty. Good for him. 

It wouldn’t hurt her to shed a few pounds.

Leave her alone guys, let them enjoy their time together.

Minka was way better. He needs to go back to her.

Where did he find this chick?

He deserves better! 

Your heart shattered as you read down the list of comments. Most of them hated you. Is this how Chris felt about you too? Did he really love you, or was him dating you just a   
charity case? Tears streamed down your face as you quietly sobbed, not wanting to wake up Chris, or for him to know that you read these articles. 

Closing out your phone, you threw it onto the couch beside you. You felt completely worthless. Worthless of Chris’ love, of anybody’s love. Everyone was right, he deserved so much better than you. But you had nowhere to go. No, you would stick this out until he was the one to ultimately end things; which you were positive he would at some point. Maybe you could move back home, or even go to New York. Eric would take you in again…right?

The toilet flushing broke you from your thoughts as you quickly dried your tear stained face. Dodger came padding down the stairs and straight for you, giving you kisses on your face. You giggled at him; Dodger always knew how to make you feel better. It was just a gift that dogs had. 

Chris came down the stairs and spotted you right away. He padded over to you and you smiled when you saw him. Even with bed hair and just waking up, he was still the most perfect man you had ever witnessed in your life; and for now, and who knows how much longer, he was yours. 

He bent down to give you a kiss, “You’re up early” he stated. Shrugging back, “Yeah, couldn’t sleep.”

“Everything alright?” he asked you, his eyes showing concern. You smile back, showing him you were fine. “Yes Chris, everything is great.”

“Glad to hear. So I have a meeting this afternoon with my agent. Shouldn’t take too long” he said while he made his way to the kitchen for his morning cup of coffee. 

Perfect! That gave you time to run out and get his Valentine’s Day present seeing as it was tomorrow and only one thing came to mind. 

As Chris left for his meeting with his agent, you got into your Jeep and went to the best lingerie shop in the city. 

You felt really out of place as you walked into the shop; everyone looked like runway models there! And here you were, in your frumpy t-shirt and ripped jeans. You ambled around the shop until you found the perfect set! It was a babydoll top in a navy blue color; the bodice was full lace. After trying it on, you knew it was the one. The bottom barely covered your ass and it came with a thong. Since Chris was an ass-man, you knew his tongue would roll out just looking at it. 

You needed to amp up your game, and go even further. The paranoia was really sinking in that one day Chris would leave you for someone prettier, someone more beautiful, someone normal. 

~~~

“Do you really think we need to go public with this? Already?” Chris asked as he sat across the desk from his agent. “You’ve already been seen with her in public back home in Boston, and now at Disneyland. My phone is ringing off the hook wanting to know who you are dating. It’s totally up to you if you want to go public with your relationship. I’m just giving you advice here” his agent replied sternly. 

“Yeah, umm, alright. I’ll talk to her this weekend sometime” Chris stated, letting out a frustrated sigh. He knew at some point he would need to take your relationship public, but not this soon. Sometimes he went a full year before being able to go public. He liked his private life, and he definitely didn’t want to overwhelm you so soon. Things seemed a bit off with you lately and he wanted to get to the bottom of it before going public. He wasn’t embarrassed or anything by you, not by a long shot. He loved you with every fiber of his body; he never felt this way about anyone before. All he wanted to do was protect you from the cruel world he knew was out there.


	7. Chapter 7

You woke up on Valentine’s Day morning to a delicious smell invading your nostrils. The smell of bacon and eggs made you jump out of bed in a hurry. Dodger was quickly at your feet, tail wagging as you shuffled down the stairs, determined to devour the amazing smelling food. 

Chris must have heard you scramble out of bed, because he stood there in the kitchen, looking stoic as ever as you rounded the corner. His lips quirked into that dashing smile of his, “Happy Valentine’s Day Emilia” he said as he held out a single rose to you. After months of knowing him, and a couple months of dating, he still made your heart leap in your chest as butterflies flew around your stomach.

As you moved closer to him, your heart started pounding even more. This man was perfect and you surely didn’t deserve him. Taking the flower from his hands, you leaned up on your tip toes to give him a kiss. His soft and warm lips delicately danced with yours in harmony as his hand went around your neck, keeping you in place. Chris’ tongue swiped over your lower lip and you opened your mouth for him, wanting to feel his tongue on yours. As his tongue met yours, you moaned at the feeling; your stomach doing summersaults.

Pulling away, you gave him a wide grin before taking the flower to your nose and inhaling the beautiful scent. “Breakfast?” Chris asked as he maneuvered you to the chair at the island of the kitchen. He moved to the stove and plated you your breakfast before turning around you laying it down in front of you. “This looks amazing Chris. Thank you!” you exclaimed in exciting, ready to devour the food. 

The two of you ate your breakfast, chatting away about your plans for the day. It was decided that the two of you wanted to spend a cozy day indoors, wrapped up together on the couch watching movies all day. 

The doorbell rang and you looked to Chris, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Why don’t you go answer it babe. I’ll clean up here” Chris stated, trying to hide his grin.   
You knew he was up to something but got up to answer the door anyways. Your jaw dropped to the floor when you opened the door. You couldn’t even see the poor delivery guy as an enormous bouquet of flowers hid his face. “Umm, deliver for Emilia” the delivery guy said as he moved his face around the bouquet to try and see who opened the door. 

“That’s me!” you shrieked a bit too loudly. Hell, you were excited about these damn beautiful flowers! He handed you the bouquet before you shut the door. 

You heard Chris’ chuckle get louder as he moved closer to you. “Here, let me help you” he said as he grabbed the vase from you. He headed towards the kitchen where he placed the flowers on the counter; you followed after him slowly, still awe struck at how amazing the flowers were. 

You grabbed the card that was stuffed in the bouquet and opened it, tears brimming your eyes as you read it. 

Emilia,   
Happy first Valentine’s Day beautiful. You have made me the happiest man on this planet, and I couldn’t ask for a more beautiful and perfect girlfriend. You’ve had my heart since day one. Here is to many more Valentine’s Days to come. I love you.   
Chris

You jumped into his arms after reading the card. Maybe he wasn’t planning on leaving you so soon! Maybe things would end up being alright. Pulling away, his blue eyes found yours staring back at him. His eyes revealed so much love and happiness and you couldn’t help but blush. “The flowers are beautiful Chris. Thank you. You didn’t have to do that” you said shyly, his gaze boring into you. “I love you so much Emilia. And I will keep showering you with appreciation whether you like it or not” he said before tickling your sides, sending you into a giggle fit. “Aagghhh” you screamed out as his fingers torturously tickled your sides; he showed no signs of letting up. Your laughter caused him to erupt into chuckles. He loved hearing your laugh; he didn’t hear it enough recently.

He ended the tickling torture and you two finished up your breakfast before settling down on the couch, a bunch of rom-coms lined up for your viewing. 

“Oh, I almost forgot” you said, jumping up and scrambling to the kitchen. When you returned, Dodger was jumping at your feet. Removing your hand from behind your back, you produced a big bone with a red ribbon wrapped around it. “Happy Valentine’s Day Dodger!” you squealed before giving him the bone. Chris grinned at your thoughtfulness for his dog as you cuddled up next to him. 

They day quickly turned into early evening as you and Chris were enthralled with movie after movie. Both of you stealing kisses and touches throughout your hour’s long movie sessions. You glanced at the clock on the cable box and knew you should start preparing for Chris’ gift. Once you finished your current movie, Sixteen Candles, you excused yourself quickly before rushing upstairs; leaving a stunned Chris to sit on the couch, wondering where you went in a hurry. 

You ran to your craft room and into the closet, grabbing your bag of goodies before dashing into your shared bedroom, shutting and locking the door. You didn’t want Chris to get intrigued and walk in while you were getting ready. Quickly unraveling the tissue paper, you placed the candles around the room and lit them quickly. 

Hurrying into the bathroom, you stripped of your clothes and put on your lingerie set before tousling your hair and putting some light makeup on. You snatched the fuzzy handcuffs from the bag on the floor before rushing back into the bedroom. Unlocking the door, you opened it quietly. “Chris, could you come help me with something please” you whined out. You wanted to throw him off from your surprise, and you hoped you whiny voice did just that. 

Putting your hand on your waist, you jutted your hip out, trying to be sexy. To be honest, you were scared shitless. What if Chris found you disgusting looking in the lingerie? 

You tried your best to hide those feelings as you heard him bounding up the steps. You stood in front of the bed, the fuzzy handcuffs lying behind you and out of his eye sight.   
You saw his shadow first before seeing him. Holding your breath, he rounded the corner and into the bedroom. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw you standing there. His eyes slowly roamed from your eyes, all the way down your body, and back up. Heat crept onto your face as he took you in. Did he like what he saw? He didn’t say anything at first, and it had you worried. You let out the breath you were holding, afraid you had made a big mistake; but that idea quickly left your mind as Chris spoke. 

“Fuck me” he growled out. Your eyes traveled down to his crotch, his sweatpants not hiding his strained cock. “Oh, I plan on it” you teased as you grabbed the fuzzy handcuffs and held it up for him to see.


	8. Chapter 8

Chris took in your body; your baby doll lingerie not covering much of you. You had to bite your lip from letting your smirk take over. Chris’ chest rose and fell at a fast pace, and you knew you did good work with choosing your outfit. 

He finally realized how his feet worked and he started moving towards you. “Nuh uh” you said as you raised your hand up to stop him; which he obliged. Strutting as sexily as you could in your heels; you walked to the bathroom and grabbed the chair. Bring it back to the bedroom, you made sure to keep your ass in his view at all times. You wanted him worked up to frenzy as much as possible. 

You placed the chair on the floor, right where you wanted it before turning back to Chris. Sliding up to him, you raked your hands down his chest; Chris groaning at your ministrations. “Off” you demanded as you tugged at the bottom of his shirt. He didn’t need to be told twice as he made haste of taking his shirt off. 

You grabbed him by the hem of his sweats, pulling him towards you as you walked backwards. You felt like you were failing at being dominant, but you decided to just go with what felt natural. As you got him in position, you pushed his shoulders down, making him sit in the chair. You bent down so your cleavage showed, whispering into his ear, “Stay put.” You licked his earlobe before moving away, grasping the handcuffs off the bed. Returning to Chris, you grabbed his hands and put them behind his back around the chair. 

Cuffing him in place, you shuffled over to your phone. 

You scrolled through until you found the song you wanted. You had debating back and forth for hours about which song you wanted to tease him with. Ultimately, the one you decided you knew was very cheesy and more of a man’s song, but it always put you in a sexual mood. Your phone was already hooked up to the wireless Bluetooth speaker, and all you had to do was press play. Taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself, you pressed play. 

Genuwine’s “Pony” started playing over the speakers; Chris’ head tilted backwards as if he knew what he was about to happen. 

Moving to stand in front of him, you started to gain confidence, rolling your hips back and forth. Chris bit his lip as his eyes journeyed over your moving body. Turning around so your ass was facing him, you continued to roll your hips around to the beat of the music. Shuffling your feet backwards, you landed in his lap gracefully. 

The music continued as you gyrated your hips on his hardened cock. You continued for another minute before turning around to face him, straddling his lap. Biting your lip seductively, you rotated your hips again and again. “Fuck baby. I want to fucking touch you so bad. Please. Please uncuff me” Chris pleaded with you, his arms struggling behind his back. You had to admit, him saying those words really boosted your confidence even more. 

You gripped onto his hair, turning his head to the side as you licked and nibbled his neck; his erection pressing into you in such a pleasant way. “Baby…please. I’m fahkin dying here” he said, his Boston accent slipping out which sent shockwaves to your pulsating clit. Cupping his face in your small hands, you kissed him with such ferocity before backing away and making your way behind to his back, uncuffing him. 

The second his hands were freed, he turned around to face you, gripping the chair and throwing it across the room. It startled you at first, but it soon turned into pure desire. Chris was staring at you hungrily and you wanted him just as bad. Both of your chests were heaving, anticipating what was going to happen next. 

Chris charged for you, grasping your hips and picking you up off the floor. You squealed in delight as he turned and dropped you onto the bed, bouncing as you landed. “You have no idea just how fucking sexy you look right now Emilia. And that little dance you just gave me. Fuck, I’m harder than I’ve ever been” he rasped out as his eyes roamed over your body. You just lie there, taking it all in. He must have really liked your present then. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day Chris” you cooed out, biting your plump bottom lip. Chris kneeled down, taking your heels off one by one. “Ems, this is the best Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever gotten. And this is just beginning.”

Your heart rate spiked as the butterflies in your stomach scrambled around. You had to clench your thighs together, the pressure was beginning to be too much to handle. “So. Fucking. Beautiful” he said between kisses up your thighs; his hands spreading you wide. You were wearing panty hose; your garter belt tightly fastened around them. Once he reached the apex of your thigh, he bit down gently causing you to scream his name. A deep chuckle came from the back of his throat. 

Chris paused, his eyes stalking your body in fascination; he had a perplexed look on his face. It worried you, what was he planning? Before your mind could even jump to conclusions, he was straddling you, pulling your wrists up to his bed frame; fuzzy handcuffs were secured around your wrists as he clasped them to the post. 

He grabbed two pillows and placed them underneath your ass, tilting you up quite a bit. Your breath hitched in your throat; body trembling. Your body was overwhelmed, and soon, it would be overstimulated.

Chris kissed you hungrily, his tongue invading your mouth and you wanted more. Your hands struggled against your restraints; you wanted to touch him so bad. As he pulled away, you whimpered as your eyes looked back to the cuffs. Chris was giving you tantalizing slow kisses down your chest, to the valley of your breasts. 

He peeled back your lingerie, freeing your pert nipples before his mouth clamped down on one, causing your head to fall back and moan in pleasure. Swirling his tongue over one peak, his fingers gently pinched and pulled on your other nipple. You were already so turned on giving him his lap dance, you felt as if you could reach your high just from this!  
“More” you choked out, “I need more Chris. Please.” 

Your pulsating clit ached to be touched, to be sucked on, anything. His head detached from your nipple, moving up to your head. His lips brushed your ear, “You are keeping this lingerie on when I fuck you. Do you understand?” his voice was a growl in your ear, causing your body to jerk up. “Yes sir” you purred out, earning yet another growl from Chris.   
“Can I leave you cuffed?” he asked you, his right hand massaging your inner thigh. In all reality, you just wanted to touch him, but at this point, you didn’t care, you just needed to be touched yourself. 

You gave him a nod and he moved to stand up, taking off his sweats and boxers in one swift movement. He quickly hurried back to you, his hands cupping your heated sex. “Chris…please…just fuck me. NOW!” you shrieked, “I need you so bad,” the last part came out as a whimper. 

Moving your panties to the side, he parted your folds. “Jesus baby, your dripping,” he rasped before inserting two slick fingers into you. Your body was on complete overdrive and the instant his fingers were inside of you; your walls were clenching around him; toes curling and body convulsing from your quick orgasm. 

As you came down from your quick high, Chris looked at you in awe. “Did you seriously just cum already?” he asked, a smirk on his face. You huffed out at him, “I said I needed you to fuck me! I’ve never came that fast before.”

Chris being Chris, had that damn smug look on his face and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him, a grin plastered on your face too. “Grip the bed post Ems,” and you obliged, doing what you were told. 

As your fingers clutched around the post, he plunged into you with such force you couldn’t help but scream out. It didn’t hurt, you just weren’t expecting it. The angle in which you were tilted up from the pillows was mind-blowing. Chris’ thick hard cock was hitting spots you didn’t even know you had, pleasure was coursing through your body. 

His hands on your hips were gripped with such strength, bruises were for sure to appear, but you didn’t care. This man gave you so much pleasure; you would never get enough of him. His hips snapped back and forth with such speed, it wasn’t long before another orgasm rippled through your body. 

Your walls contracted around him, your breathing ragged. “Fuckyesfuckfuckfuck. CHHHRRIIISSS” you screamed as your high hit you rapidly. “Fuck baby. I love watching you come undone beneath me” Chris mewled, barely hearing him as the blood pounded in your ears. 

Chris’ thrusts became sloppy and you knew he was close. Lifting your legs, you wrapped them tightly around him, causing him to go even deeper. A few more thrusts and he stilled, his dick pulsating inside of you; Chris’ eyes locked on yours as he came. 

Both you lie there, Chris still inside you as he leaned down to ravish your lips. “I love you so much Emilia,” his warm breath fanning your face. You gave him a smile, “I love you too Chris. Happy first Valentine’s Day baby.”


	9. Chapter 9

It had been a lovely two weeks since Valentine’s Day. Things were going pretty smoothly. You were off your meds, but still had not told Chris yet. He was preparing to leave for Louisiana, to go to Wizard World Comic Con and you didn’t want to disrupt his mindset. You knew he got anxiety about these things. 

Lucky enough for you, there was nothing that triggered your mood swings, which made things very easy to hide these past two weeks. Naturally, you stopped hoping things were always be this good, because let’s just face it, it never happened that way for you. You were a walking bad luck charm in your own eyes. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me beautiful?” Chris asked as he stood in the doorway of your craft room while you worked away. “This is your thing Chris. I don’t want to distract you from your fans, or your guy time,” you turned giving him a sweet smile. 

He let out a sigh as he moved towards you. “Emilia,” he said cupping your face, “You are not a distraction alright? And plus, the guys want to meet you. They are getting annoyed with how much I talk about you and they haven’t met you yet.”

You stood up from your chair, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’ll be fine here Chris. You go and have fun and I will see you on Monday.” 

His eyes were searching yours, making sure you were going to be alright. “Well, if anything happens, I left Matt’s number on the fridge. He’s always home so he can watch Dodger if needed alright?” You nod to him, a smile gracing both your lips. “I love you Chris. Have fun.”

“I love you too beautiful. I’ll let you know when I made it there safely” Chris said before giving you sweet tender kiss. 

~~~

Later that night, you were curled up with Dodger on the couch, a glass of wine in your hand. Tomorrow was Friday, and it was the day of Charlie’s hearing. You told Chris you weren’t going to go, but you were going to anyways. You would sit quietly in the back, unnoticed; you needed to know how long he would be locked up for. He deserved to rot for years in a cell. He stalked you, found out where you lived, beat you, and almost killed you. 

Your phone chimed; Dodger peaked his head up at the noise. Giggling, you scratched his head, “It’s just your daddy sill boy.”

Chris: Just got to the hotel beautiful. We are staying at New Orleans Downtown Marriott at the Convention Center. I’m in room 308. 

Emilia: Sounds good baby. You go out and have some fun with the guys. Get some sleep tonight too ;) I love you

Chris: But I’m going to be so lonely without you or Dodger :( I won’t get too drunk. I promise. We have an early day tomorrow. I love you too beautiful

~~~

The next morning you were up early as you quickly showered, dressed and grabbed some toast for breakfast. It was all you could handle; your stomach was queasy just thinking about being in the same room as Charlie. 

Chris had texted you, letting you know he would be shutting his phone off. He had so much going on today with panels, autographs, signings and interviews. He said he would text you the first chance he got. 

Driving to the courthouse, your knuckles were white with how hard they gripped the steering wheel. Your stomach was in knots and you had to sip on some water to fight back to urge to vomit. 

You almost completely regretted doing this, especially alone, as you walked into the courtroom. Sitting quietly in the back, your legs and hands were fidgeting. 

Charlie walked in, clad in an orange jumpsuit, hands cuffed behind his back. Blood was pumping so hard in your ears you barely understood what the judge had said; your eyes shooting daggers into the back of Charlie’s head. 

“Because this is a first time offence, and your record is spotless, you will serve six months jail time and 250 hours of community service” the Judge stated before slamming his gavel down. 

“Six months. SIX FUCKING MONTHS! Are you fucking kidding me” you mind roared inside your head. No, he deserved so much more than that. Who cares if it was a first time   
offence, he almost killed you! Your hand rose up to your throat, visions swarming your mind of when Charlie had his hands around your throat. 

Charlie rose from his set, his eyes scanning the crowd, landing on you. He gave you an evil devilish grin, and then winked at you. Your insides twisted and you felt nauseas. Standing up frantically, you clutched your purse and ran out of the courtroom, never looking back. 

The whole way home you cried; your vision blurred by the waterfall of tears that were relentless. Luckily you made it home with no accident. Bursting through the door, you flung yourself upstairs and to the bathroom at record speed. 

Collapsing on the floor, your mouth hung open and all you wanted to do was scream; but nothing came out. You were in utter shock, rocking back and forth on the cold tiled bathroom floor. Your hands were twisted in such a way that your nails were digging into your wrists. Sobs wracked your body, causing you to tremble. 

Dodgers nose nudged open the bathroom door as he came to sit by your side, licking your tears. Usually he could always make you feel better, but not this time. You let his wet tongue lick your face, while you sat there in a comatose state. 

The words “six months” kept singing in your head; a vision of Charlie doing happy dance. That fucking bastard got off easy. He would be out of jail in six months, roaming freely. Dodger whimpered by your side, causing you to break from your thoughts. 

You looked down to him and saw him staring at your hands. Blood seeped from your wrists, your nails embedded roughly into the skin. You hadn’t even realized what you were doing in all this mess. Freeing your nails, you hissed at the pain. Crescent moon shapes from your nails were left covering both your wrists as blood pooled to the surface.   
In all reality, the thought of self-harming didn’t even come to your mind. And yet it happened; you did it subconsciously. Shakily getting onto your feet, you run your wrists under the warm water coming out of the facet. The pain felt wonderful as your breathing started to return to normal. 

Once your hands were dried, you found our phone and called Chris. It went straight to voicemail. He hadn’t even texted you yet which meant he had yet to have any free time. Pacing around the bathroom, all you could think about was the pain on your wrists, and how you craved more. But you wanted to be strong. Your eyes scanned the cupboard where you hid your razor the first night you moved in. 

Your mind battled with your heart over what to do. Your mind telling you to do it, get that release, as your heart was telling you to think about Chris, how hurt he would be.   
Chris. Your boyfriend. You needed him and he wasn’t here. Glancing down at the promise ring on your finger, his words from Christmas morning rang in your head. “This is a promise ring. A promise from me to you. I promise to be the man you want and need. I promise to be there for you at any time, day or night. If I’m not with you physically, I will   
only be a phone call away.” 

Why is he breaking that promise?? He’s not really a phone call away because he won’t answer his phone! Anger quickly started working its way through your body. You needed him at this moment in time, and he was breaking his promise to you. Has he really not had any free time yet? Not even enough to give you a text back? Your heart was breaking at each thought that crossed your mind; both anger and sadness fighting in your body. 

A thought occurred to you. Rushing into the closet, you got out your duffel bag and placed a few days’ worth of clothes inside. You called Matt asking if he could come over to pick up Dodger and watch him for a few days. Matt happily accepted, saying he had that code to get in through the garage and he’d be over in a few hours to get Dodger.   
Bending down, you gave Dodger a kiss on his forehead and scratched at his ears. You locked up the house, got in your Jeep and headed towards the airport.


	10. Chapter 10

“What the fuck was I thinking” you muttered quietly to yourself; your hands gripping the hand rest of the plane as it took off. Your breathing became accelerated, your nerves getting the best of you as you tried to breathe through it. Fortunately for you, there was a flight leaving for Louisiana within the hour and there were open seats. 

Chris had yet to text you when you boarded the plane; making you have bad thoughts. Was he cheating on you? When he was with his friends and having a good time, were you the last thing on his mind? Did he meet someone while doing photo ops and take her back to his room? Did he really love you?

All those scenarios flooded your mind; visions of him flirting with all the girls getting pictures with him; his hand grazing their asses. Tears started streaming down your face and you were a wreck; not even caring what other passengers thought of you. 

The four hour flight went by relatively fast as your thoughts consumed your mind the whole time. As the plane landed, you turned your phone back on, the light indicating you had a message. 

Chris: Hey beautiful. Sorry I haven’t texted in awhile. Been crazy busy today with everything. I love you

Chris: The guys are pulling my chain. They really wanted to meet you this weekend. Maybe we can set up a time and have them over for a barbeque. What do you think of that?

Chris: You must be working away, or snoozing. Slacker ;) Love you Ems

More tears spilled down your face as you read and reread the texts. Did he really love you though? He made a promise to you, a promise that he would always be there when you needed him. And he broke that promise. You needed him, to hear his voice, hear comforting words coming from his mouth and instead, his phone was turned off. 

You made it to the Convention Center and Hotel that Chris was staying at and immediately you paused before walking in the door. You only knew his room number and that was it. Naturally you couldn’t just walk up to the concierge and ask for a room key to Chris’ Evans room. “Fuck” you cursed to yourself, not knowing what else to do. 

Pulling out your phone, you dialed Chris’ number only for it to go straight to voicemail again. Letting out a frustrated sigh, you made your way into the hotel and to the elevators.   
The elevator dinged and opened its doors once you reached the third floor. Walking slowly throughout the hallway, you stopped in front of Chris’ room. You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat as nerves coursed through your body. Lifting your hand, you knocked on his door. You shifted from foot to foot, waiting for him to answer. Your knuckles knocked on the wooded door one more time. 

Huffing out a frustrated sigh, you placed your duffel bag on the floor and sat down, your back against the wall. Of course he wasn’t in his room yet and you had no idea when he would be back. You would have to play the waiting game some more; hopefully the hotel staff wouldn’t kick you out. 

Your eyes became heavy quickly as you made your way to lie on your side; you duffel acting like a pillow for you. You were out like a light, nightmares plaguing your nap.  
Charlie’s grip on your throat grew tighter as you struggled to breathe. “You will never be good enough for him, or anyone” Charlie’s venomous voice spat out. Your vision grew dark as he cut off your oxygen supply. 

The door burst open, revealing a startled Chris. Charlie’s grip lightened and you were able to suck in a deep breath. You looked between Charlie and Chris as Chris stood in the doorway, not moving. “Help me Chris” you pleaded, your eyes watering. 

Chris barked out a dark chuckle, “Why would I save you? I don’t even love you. You are completely worthless you know that? I don’t even know why I got into a relationship with you in the first place. You’ve ruined my life Emilia.”

You jolted awake, breathing ragged from your nightmare. But was it a nightmare, or did Chris really think that way about you? You started weeping again, thinking your nightmare was true. Your head hurt, your face was red and blotchy from crying as you sat there and wept. 

The elevator dinged and you heard a bunch of guys laughing and joking as if they had no care or problem in the world. Placing your hands over your face, your crying picked up more. Why couldn’t you not have a care or problem in the world? Why couldn’t life be easy for you? 

Their voices got louder the closer they got to you and before you knew it, they were silent. “Emilia?” Chris’ voice reverberated in the hallway. Frantically, you looked up to see not only Chris, but Sebastian, Mackie, and Renner all staring at you. Your eyes landed on Chris’. He took in your appearance, red and tears streaked face before rushing over to you. 

He crouched in front of you, gently grabbing your face. “Baby! What happened?” he asked, voice full of concern and worry. Hearing his voice was all it took before you cried out again, clutching onto his shirt for dear life. 

He rubbed soothing circles onto your back, causing your tears and sobbing to subside a little. “Why don’t you take her inside Chris? We’re done for the night anyways” Renner said as he lifted your duffel bag into his hands. 

“Come on beautiful, lets go inside huh?” Chris asked and you nodded your head. He helped you up onto your shaky legs; your back cracking from the position you were stuck in. Chris pulled out his keycard and opened the door for you first. You walked in slowly, head bent down. 

“Let us know if you need anything man” Sebastian said as Renner handed Chris your duffel. “Thanks guys. I’ll see you in the morning alright?” Chris replied before closing the door. 

You ambled into the room some more, trying to steady your breathing. Anger now boiling through your body. 

“Emilia what are you doing here? What happened?” Chris’ words broke through. You turned to face him, your chest starting to heave with shallow breaths. 

His face showed that he was worried, but your mind refused to believe that. Chris started walking towards you and your arms reached out, pushing him back. “NO,” you yelled, “YOU DON’T GET TO COME NEAR ME!”

Shock appeared on his face, not knowing what you were talking about. “Baby” he stated before walking towards you again, only for you to push him back once more. His face quickly contorted from shock, to concern, to worried. “Emilia what the hell has gotten into you?” Chris questioned with frustration. 

On impulse, you took the promise ring he had given you off your finger and threw it at his chest. “You promised me Chris!” you bellowed, trying to keep your voice strong but failing miserably as it croaked. 

Chris was first at a loss for words once you threw your ring at him. He had no idea what you were talking about; why you were acting this way. His mind was trapped in a fog, trying to understand what you meant. 

“Care to enlighten me?” he questioned, his irritation with you starting to show. All he wanted to do was help you; he hated seeing you in the state you were in. It broke his heart, but you kept pushing him away and he was getting frustrated. 

Your face was grave as you responded to him, “You promised me you would always be there for me. Even if you were away. You said you were just a phone call away. But I TRIED calling you Chris and you DIDN’T ANSWER! I needed you so fucking bad and you weren’t there” your voice shrilled. 

Chris sighed out as he folded his arms across his chest, his face tense. “You knew I would be here and that I couldn’t be on my phone. This is my job Emilia! I asked you if you wanted to come here with me and you said no, what else was I supposed to do?!” he questioned as his voice rose with anger. 

Your knees buckled beneath you as your ass hit the bed; your breathing quickly picked up. He was right and you were wrong. You were always wrong. Why did you always try to pick fights? Why did it seem like you always wanted to sabotage relationships?

Your heart panged in your chest at the thought of Chris leaving you yet again. You didn’t want him to leave you, he meant everything to you. Glancing up, you caught his expression; he looked sullen. Was he starting to resent you? 

A single tear rolled down your cheek as you sniffled. “I went to the hearing” you spoke quietly. 

Chris’ body language changed from frustration, to alarming rather quickly. His eyes widened as he marched towards you. He crouched in front of you, taking your hands in his. “Baby why did you do that? You said you weren’t going to go. You shouldn’t have gone without me!” his voice taught. 

“I know!” you croaked out, “I just needed to get closure.” You took in a shaky breath as his hands cupped your face, removing your tears. “He only got six months” you stated sadly. 

Chris’ breath hitched in his throat at your words. He couldn’t believe it himself. How did that asshole only get six months? He beat you and almost killed you! “Fuck baby, come here” he uttered, wrapping you into his embrace. His hand gripped your hair as his other rubbed circles on your back. “I’m so sorry beautiful. That man deserves a harsher   
punishment than that.”

Between Chris rocking you back and forth, and his soothing gesture on your back, you almost fell asleep in his arms. But you couldn’t just yet. You had to apologize first. Breaking from his arms, you wiped the tears from your face as you took a glimpse at him. “I need to apologize Chris, for my actions,” you started off, “I was again way out of line. I shouldn’t have even come here and distracted you. I fucked up and I’m sorry. This is your job and I don’t want to mess that up. Can you forgive me?”

Chris’ eyes searched yours, his face doleful as if he was battling what to say. He seemed disappointed and your heart broke. “Yes Emilia, I forgive you. And while I’m not happy with you taking your ring off and throwing it at me, I am happy that you came here to see me. Alright?” 

You nodded your head, unhappy with yourself and your behavior. Chris was disappointed in you and it broke your heart. You never wanted to disappoint him and yet, here you were. 

The two of you showered and got ready for bed, even though it was still early, only 9:30pm. You sheepishly got under the covers of the king bed, staying close to the edge as you didn’t know just how disappointed Chris was with you. Maybe he needed a little bit of space. 

You could hear him on the phone in the other room as you flipped through the television channels trying to find something to watch. He strutted into the bedroom of the suite, and got into bed with you. “Why are you so far away Emilia?” he questioned you, glancing in your direction as his eyebrows were raised. 

You shrugged at him, your throat hurting too much from all the crying. He patted the spot next to him so you scooted closer. Chris’ arms wrapped around your shoulder, tucking you into his side. He placed a kiss onto your head before you heard him clear his throat. “Can I ask you something?” his inquired. 

Immediately, your heart rate accelerated, not knowing what direction his question would go. 

“Did you stop taking your medications?”

Your eyes shut tight at his question. You were going to tell him at some point, you just wanted to wait for the best time. Chewing on your lower lip, your hands fidgeted with themselves in your lap. Chris took notice of it and glanced down at your hands, your wrists exposed in the dim light of the television. 

He shot up quickly and turned on the lamp before facing you again, gathering your hands into his and turning them over to see your wrists. “Emilia! What did you do?”


	11. Chapter 11

You just sat there in bed, no words escaping your mouth as you didn’t know how to respond. The little crescent moon marks scattered on your wrists were not done on purpose, that was for sure. It just happened during one of your episodes; your nails digging into your wrists drawing blood. 

Chris stared at you in shock; his eyes wide, mouth agape as he held onto your delicate wrists. “Answer me Emilia. Why did you do this huh?” he demanded as his eyes bore into yours. 

You couldn’t take the heat anymore from his gaze and you bowed your head down. If you told him the truth, he probably wouldn’t believe you at all. You were trying so hard to be strong for not only yourself, but for Chris too. You wanted to show him you could do this on your own, without the help of medication. But you slowly felt yourself slipping away and you were worried even for yourself that you wouldn’t be able to come back. 

“Did you stop taking your medications Emilia?” Chris’ adamant voice crashed through your thoughts. 

He was already disappointed in your earlier for throwing your promise ring at him, what is he going to think of you now? 

Defensively, you pulled your wrists out of his grasp and turned your back to him as you lie down in bed. This was not the way you planned on this visit going, but when did your plans ever work out? 

Chris let out a very audible frustrated sigh; his hand landing on your shoulder to roll you over. “Talk to me Emilia. Don’t turn your back on me. This is NOT how relationships work alright? You need to put in the effort here and talk to me!” Chris urged in a dominant voice. 

“YES!” you wailed out at his pestering question. “Yes I quit taking my goddamn medications. No I did not fucking self-harm. Not on purpose. Are you fucking happy?” your chest heaved from your impulse anger that coursed through you. It was getting tiring on your end, all the non-stop emotions. Sure, the last few weeks were great, no outbursts. But as usual, they all came bubbling to the surface sooner or later and they chose this moment to make an appearance. 

“Why huh? Why would you stop taking your medications? You were doing so well with them. Did you stop seeing Patricia too?” his voice got louder as he spoke. 

“YEP!” you declared, popping the “p”. 

Chris threw the covers back in defeat, getting out of bed and putting clothes on. You glanced in his direction, giving him a weary look. “Where are you going?” you asked in a   
shrill voice. 

Chris stood there, hands on his hips and stared at you. “I’m trying here Emilia. I am trying to figure out why you’re acting this way, why you stopped taking your medications and why you stopped going to your appointments. But clearly, you don’t want to talk about it. So I’m giving you space” he huffed out as he reached for his wallet and phone. 

As he walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, you sat up in bed, completely and overwhelming feeling lost and lonely. You had done it yet again, you were ruining a   
relationship. 

Chris slammed the door closed and you jumped in your spot at the noise. Instantly the tears were back in your eyes as you rolled over and screamed into your pillow. 

~~~

“Hello?” Eric answered his phone in a tired voice. 

“Sorry to wake you man” Chris said as he scratched the back of his head feeling bad for waking Eric up. 

“Hey Chris, no, no it’s no problem. Is everything alright?”

Chris let out a sigh in defeat, not even knowing where to begin with this conversation. “I’m worried about Ems Eric. She stopped taking her meds, stopped going to therapy, and she self-harmed again.”

A sigh came over the speaker from Eric and Chris could tell he felt the same way. “Shit. I knew this would happen. This is just classic Emilia with not taking her meds. Look, where are you right now?”

“In New Orleans at Wizard World right now, we go back home on Sunday morning.”

“Ok, just keep calm as possible with her these few days alright? I’ll talk to Frank and I’ll fly out on Monday to help you talk to her.”

Chris let out a breath of relief; hoping Eric could help talk some sense into Emilia. “Thanks man. I really fuckin appreciate it.”

“Look, I don’t want to scare you or anything, but things might not be pretty” Eric huffed out in his own frustration with his sister. 

“What do you mean by that?” Chris urged. 

“The last time she did this, with stopping her meds and everything, it got bad.”

“Was that the time when…..” Chris trailed off, hoping Eric would know the answer. 

“Yeah, that was it. She took it too far and she ended up in a psych ward for 72 hours.”

Chris paced up and down the hallway listening to Eric’s words, groaning internally at himself. “Alright man. I’ll keep an eye on her best I can but it’s going to be difficult tomorrow here. Thanks for everything. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Call me if anything else happens. Don’t tell Emilia about me coming out there on Monday. She might freak out and that is the last thing we need from her right now.”  
“Yeah, alright man. Hey thanks and I’ll talk to you soon” Chris said as he hung his head down. 

~~~

That night, you cried yourself to sleep; completely unaware that Chris had come back to bed at some point. Exhaustion took over your body and you passed out; dead to the world. 

You awoke the next morning; a massive headache raging in your head as you groggily wiped your tear streaked eyes. Chris’ side of the bed was made; a note sitting atop his pillow with your name on it. 

Emilia,   
I didn’t want to wake you. I figured you would want the extra sleep. Here is a VIP pass for today if you wanted to head downstairs and check things out.   
I love you  
Chris

Your eyes watered, making the words become blurry. You didn’t deserve such a great man like Chris; he didn’t deserve such a wreck like yourself. Turning back towards the bed, you buried your face in your pillow as you screamed; letting out all the frustration you could muster. Once your throat became raw from your screams, you got up and got dressed; putting yourself together as much as you could before heading to the main floor; before seeing Chris in action.


	12. Chapter 12

It was exciting being at a Wizard World; almost everyone was dressed up as their favorite characters. It was amazing to see how much work and detail went into these costumes; yet here you were, walking around in a plain t-shirt and jeans. 

You ambled around the crowd for hours, looking at all the things to buy as you proudly wore you VIP pass. Before long, you noticed some girls start staring at you; pointing at you very obviously. Your face started becoming red from embarrassment, thinking maybe you didn’t scrub your tear streaked face enough that morning. 

Your heart rate skipped a beat as you tried to hold your head up and kept walking straight. The soft murmurs started to become louder as you realized more and more people were starting to look at you. Panic slowly started to creep up on you as you sped up your walking. 

“Hey” a young woman stopped in front of you, making you pause your steps. “Are you dating Chris Evans?” she asked, her eyes wide as she stared at you. 

You froze, not knowing what to say or do. You and Chris never really discussed about going public with your relationship and now was definitely not the time for you to speak about it. 

“Ummm…I….excuse me” you stammered out as you stepped around her, quickly picking up your pace. 

You found the bathrooms and you made your escape, shutting the stall door behind you and latching it shut. Leaning your head up against the door, you let out a sigh of relief; happy to be away from prying eyes. “Get a grip Emilia” you said under your breath. 

Lately, you felt as if the world was out to get you; ever since that article of you and Chris surfaced. Those hurtful comments were always on your mind and you were starting to believe them. You believed you weren’t good enough for Chris that he could do so much better. 

Needing your breathing to regain to normal, you thought of happier times; times with Chris and you when things were peaceful. After what felt like eternity, you emerged from the stall and washed your hands before returning to the floor. 

You noticed a sign stating that the Avengers Panel would begin soon so you walked in through the door. 

“VIP passes can go straight to the front row” the security guard stated as he saw your pass. You gave him a polite smile as you made your way to the front of the audience, taking a seat dead center. 

It wasn’t long before the announcing came onstage, the crowd cheering as he began to speak. 

“Are you guys ready for an amazing panel!!!????” he roared into the microphone as the audience cheered and hollered. Your face lit up in a smile as you clapped along. 

“Well lets not delay any further. We have Sebastian Stan, Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, and Chris Evans!”

The crowd was on their feet, including yourself as you clapped your hands and whistled as the men came on the stage. All your worries and troubles seemed to escape your body as you saw you handsome boyfriend cross the stage, taking a seat right next to Sebastian on the couch. 

The announcer talked with the guys for a while about the newest Captain America movie; your eyes never leaving Chris’ body as he talked animatedly about the film. You loved how enthralled and excited he got when he talked about the movie; knowing damn well how proud he was of them. 

“Alright, lets take some fan questions now” the announcer said and you turned your head, seeing a line of people gathering at the microphone in the middle of the aisle.   
Chris had yet to see you and you weren’t surprise; he had no idea if you had come down to the con today. You were hoping at some point he would notice you but you didn’t want to make it obvious. 

“Does everyone get along on the set?” an audience member asked shyly. 

“Listen” Sebastian started to say, “I’m being serious when I say this. We are all family on set. We’re together for months at a time and it’s really great.”

One by one, audience members asks questions as the guys answered; Mackie cracking jokes the entire time; which it felt like a relief to laugh again. 

“My question is for Chris” a voice said loud and clearly through the microphone and you tilted your head to see. She was beautiful; tall and blonde with legs for miles. You were jealous instantly from the sight of her as you looked down. From the time you met Chris, you had gained a few pounds; not a ton, but enough to make you feel self-conscious even though he continued to call you beautiful every single day. “Are you dating someone?” Your eyes widened at her question, unaware of how to react; unaware of how Chris   
would react to it. 

Turning to face him, you could see his face tint with pink as his leg bounced up and down. He held the microphone close to his lips as he spoke. “Umm, no comment” he said with a laugh, hoping to ease the tension in the crowd. 

There was a lot of whining in the crowd as they wanted a definitive answer from him. 

“Oh come on Chris!”

“We’ve seen the pictures!”

“Just tell us!”

These people were relentless and you were starting to get uncomfortable. Your eyes never left Chris and you knew he still didn’t see you in the front of the crowd. 

Luckily, Mackie eased the tension. “Oh come on guys! Let the guy have some privacy” he joked with a quick punch to Chris’ arm and it looked like Chris was able to relax at his friends’ words. 

“You deserve better than the girl in the pictures!” someone called from the back of the audience and your heart panged at their words. You covered your face with your hair; making sure to keep your eyes on Chris. He seemed to get even more fidgety and you knew his anxiety was kicking in. You wanted nothing more than to run up on stage and comfort him; but at the same time, you were starting to believe what the person had said. Did he truly deserve better than you? You felt like you gave him nothing but a hard time; your fucked up tilt-a-whirl emotions was making him navigate when he should be relaxing, destressing from his movie roles. 

Thankfully the panel didn’t last much longer and he didn’t have to answer too many more questions as the rest of the guys stepped in for him. As the guys on stage got up from their spots on the couch, Chris finally caught eye contact with you; his eyes immediately widening as he realized you were in the audience the entire time. 

He gave you a small smile before he was ushered off the stage; everyone in the audience being roused from their seats as you stood up with them. You made your way slowly out of the auditorium with the crowd as your eyes scanned the main floor. Not sure what else to do, you made your way back up to the hotel room. 

It wasn’t long after when you received a text from Chris. 

Chris: Hey, where’d you go?

Emilia: Back to the hotel room

Chris: Why don’t you come back down and join us for lunch

You pondered his idea for a minute, but soon decided against it. With a soft sigh, you replied back. 

Emilia: That’s ok. You have some fun with the boys. 

Chris: Beautiful, please come down here. 

Your vision became blurry as tears started to form at your eyes. You wanted to make him happy, to come down there and be with him and his friends; put on a happy and brave   
face. But you couldn’t. You were exhausted; you were so tired from faking the smile, you just didn’t have it in you. 

Emilia: Chris, it’s alright. I promise. You enjoy your time. I love you

Chris: I love you too beautiful

Sitting down on the bed, your mind wandered to the words of that audience member; the comments of what people said when they saw pictures of you and Chris out and about. 

Scanning the room, you saw your suitcase sitting on the floor. It was time you stopped fucking things up. It was time you put a stop to your antics. 

Getting to your feet, you started to pile your clothes into your bag with haste. Once completed, you took out a piece of paper and wrote a note to Chris. 

Chris,   
I’m really sorry for coming unannounced. I didn’t mean to put any added stress onto your weekend. Please forgive me. I didn’t want to do this over a text and make you more stressed and worried. I’m heading back home, so you can have your boys’ weekend here. I love you.   
Emilia

Gripping your suitcase in your hand, you wiped the last tear that fell from your eyes as you walked out the door and towards the lobby. 

Luckily, Uber’s lined the street because of the Con and you climbed into one and headed straight for the airport.


	13. Chapter 13

The flight home was quick as you easily spaced out the entire time. While Chris kept texting you, letting you know that you really did not have to leave, you still felt it was a mistake to show up. He had asked you repeatedly if you wanted to come in the months prior, but you kept saying no. You wanted it to be his ‘boys’ trip, and to be able to hang out with his friends. But in the end, yet again, you had ruined things just like you always did. 

Getting back home was a nightmare; the traffic in Los Angeles that afternoon had been hell. When you finally made it home, you collapsed on the bed and passed out. 

~~~

You had managed to sleep the whole night through, straight into Sunday morning. You noticed the light blinking on your phone as you quickly got up, opening it. 

Chris: Did you make it home alright?

Chris: Hello?

Chris: Emilia why aren’t you answering your phone.

Chris: Pick up babe

There were many more texts and a dozen missed phone calls. Your head bowed as you dialed Chris’ number. 

“Emilia what the fuck! I have been worried all fucking night about you. Why didn’t you answer my calls or texts? I thought something was seriously wrong with you!” Chris barked as soon as he picked up the phone call. 

“I’m sorry” you apologized quietly; feeling like a failure in this relationship. 

Chris let out a harsh sigh. “You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say is you’re sorry?”

Tears started to form in your eyes, shaking your head even though Chris couldn’t see you. “I am sorry” you croaked out, not knowing what else to say. 

“Yeah well….fuck” Chris said dejectedly. “I’m coming home tonight. I changed my flight. I’ll see you later Em.” He hung up the phone, without a goodbye, without an I love you. 

You threw your phone on the bed as you let out a hectic scream; your vocal chords vibrating in your throat as your face pulsated. You had really done it, he was going to come home and break up with you. For, you don’t even know how many times, had ruined another relationship. Nothing could go well in your life because you were such a fuck up.   
Your mind became numb as you sat on the bed; everything tuning out around you as you stared at the wall. You were going to be alone after this, after Chris broke up with you. This was the end you kept telling yourself. 

The front door opened and shut jolting you in surprise. Furrowing your brows, you looked out the window and realized it was dark. You had sat there, in bed, staring at the wall and feeling sorry for yourself for the past day. 

Chris’ footsteps bounding up the stairs as you hung your head low. You wiped a stray tear that had fallen on your cheek as you prepared for the worst. The bedroom door opened and you didn’t move, not wanting to look him in the face. 

Chris stayed in the doorway and you could feel his eyes on you. He stood there for a good minute or two before walking towards you and sitting on the bed. “Hey Ems” he said quietly, his voice breaking your heart as you sniffled back your now falling tears. 

“Hi” you croaked out; your throat dry from not eating or drinking anything since yesterday. 

Chris let out a sigh, sounding defeated as you felt his gaze on you. You still couldn’t bare it to look at him, to look at those blue eyes that you had so helplessly fallen in love with. 

“I’m worried about you” his voice wavering as he spoke. You felt his emotions through his voice, and you knew he was being serious. Hell, you were worried about yourself too; things had never gone this south with you before. You nodded your head at his words; unsure of how to answer him. “You need to get this under control Emilia.”

His words were like a slap to your face. You turned your head to face him, your eyebrows scrunching up as your mouth hung open. “Really Chris? Are you fucking kidding me right now!?” you howled out in anger. “You don’t think I don’t fucking know that by now? I’ve had to live with myself. I KNOW how fucked up I am. God! You act like I haven’t even tried to get better!”

By now you were way past angry, you were irate as you got up from the bed and paced around. “I can’t believe you said that Chris! ‘You need to get this under control.’ Yeah, no fucking shit Chris. What do you expect me to do? I’ve tried everything! What, do you want me to sit around like a goddamn zombie forever? Feel nothing at all? No love, or peace?” your hands were raising in the air as you paced the bedroom back and forth. 

“Emilia calm down” Chris urged as he got up from his spot on the bed to face you. You stopped your pacing as you stood and stared at him, slack jaw. 

“Calm down? CALM DOWN? Maybe I’ll calm down if you stop saying such stupid shit! You’re just making things worse!” you yelled back.

“I’M making things worse? You have got to be kidding me! Do you not see the way you are acting right now?”

“If I’m so horrible then why don’t you just break up with me already!?” you fought back, regretting instantly what you had said. 

“Yeah? Maybe I should!” he growled back. Just then, his phone started ringing. He took it out of his pocket before turning back to you. “I have to take this” he declared before walking out of the bedroom and slamming the door shut. 

~~~

“Hey Eric” Chris said as he answered his phone. 

“Hey man. Look, I got an earlier flight out and I’m on my way to your place right now. I got worried after you called me again last night so I decided if you were getting back   
home today then I would come out as soon as possible.”

Chris sighed in relief, knowing someone was here to help him. “Good. That’s good because things just took a turn for the worst.”

“Just hang in there. I should be there in about fifteen minutes or so.”

“Alright bud. I’ll see you in a few” Chris said before hanging up the phone. 

~~~

As Chris slammed the bedroom door shut, you lost all sense of anything. With your head hung low, you shuffled into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. Opening the medicine cabinet, you grabbed all your pill bottles before filing up a glass of water. 

Taking the glass of water and your pill bottles, you sunk to the floor. You were sick of feeling this way; sick of hurting people; sick of hurting Chris. You just wanted it to end. As tears streamed down your face like waterfalls, you opened each bottle and poured all the remaining tablets into your hand. 

A knock on the bathroom door didn’t even faze you as you stared at the tablets. 

“Emilia” Chris knocked again, but you ignored him. “Emilia open the door!”

Opening your mouth wide, you emptied the tablets into your mouth as you chugged the glass of water. It took a few gulps before you finally managed to get everything down. Once you did, you felt a sense of calmness fall around you. Leaning your head against the wall, you smiled a genuine smile; happy to be done with your life of misery.

“Emilia, open the damn door!” the faint sound of Chris’ voice rang quietly in your ears. Your body was starting to feel weightless, your mind fuzzy as you sat on the warm floor of the bathroom. 

“Goodbye Chris” you whispered; your blurry vision seeing the door to the bathroom burst open right before you faded to black.


	14. Chapter 14

Your eyes were shut; the weight of your eyelids too heavy to keep open. Your mind drifted in and out of unconsciousness. You felt tired, so so tired but you felt everything going on with your body. Your mouth was dry as your heart beat rapidly in your chest. 

“Emilia!!!!” you heard your name being said but you couldn’t make out who said it. Your body was shaking and you didn’t know you were shaking, or someone else was shaking you. 

“Yes, I need an ambulance. My…..my girlfriend…she overdosed on her medication!! Emilia!! Emilia wake up baby…PLEASE!!!!” The voice was frantic but you were too tired, too out of it. 

~~~

“Chris?” Eric shouted as he opened the front door of Chris’ house. “Where are you?” Dodger came up to greet him but Eric knew something was wrong immediately when Dodger started to whimper. Dodger nudged the back of his legs, pushing him forward until he reached the stairs. Eric raced up the stairs as he heard Chris’ frenzied voice coming from the bathroom. 

Eric rushed into the bathroom and froze as he saw Chris kneeling over you. “What happened???” Eric demanded as he hurried to your limp side, holding your head in his lap. 

“We had a fight and she came in here and overdosed on her meds” Chris sobbed. “The ambulance are on their way. I don’t know what to do Eric!! HELP ME!!! Baby, Emilia baby wake up!!!!”

“Breathe Chris. Just breathe. We need to get her to vomit as soon as we can” Eric stated in a calmly fashion. “Come here, hold her head up like this” Eric demanded as Chris quickly took the position Eric was first in. “Good, now tilt her head and hold it to the side.”

Chris did as Eric had asked as Eric pried open your mouth. “Emilia, can you hear me?” Eric asked. You groaned as you felt your mouth opening, and then something poking inside your mouth. “It’s Eric sweetie. You need to throw up sweetie, help me out here.”

~~~

An unsettling feeling began to stir in your stomach as it twisted and turned. Bile began rise up in your throat and you soon became aware of what was happening. You heaved as you began to throw up; tablets mixed with bile splattered onto the tile floor of the bathroom. 

“That a girl” you faintly heard your brothers voice as more vomit escaped your mouth. Your stomach churned as you just wanted this feeling to be over with; a warm hand was placed on your back, rubbing soothing circles as you threw up everything you had taken in the last half-hour. 

“Oh baby” Chris sobbed as you clung to his leg. His body shook with sobs as he bent down, wrapping you in his arms. Your own eyes were filled with tears, but it was the tears from vomiting. You wanted to end your life, to end the misery of making everyone else miserable. “You’re ok, you’re alright” Chris gushed as he held you close in his arms. 

~~~

“Please don’t make me do this” you cried to your brother Eric after getting checked into the Emergency Room. You didn’t want to spend three days locked up in the psych ward.   
“You know I have no control over this Ems. You tried to kill yourself. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to tell them it was an accident. That I didn’t mean to do it. I don’t want to stay in here for three days!”

Eric’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “You know they wouldn’t believe you if you said it was an accident. That is what everyone says when they try to kill themselves and then get locked up for three days. Look” he cupped your cheek in his hands, “you’ll be fine alright? It’s three days. You’ve done this before. It will be over before you know it.”

Tears started to cascade down your cheeks as reality sunk in. The last time you were locked up for three days was the hardest thing you ever had to do. Eric kissed your forehead before giving you a somber look. “Chris is going to come in here, and then they will take you away. Alright?” 

You nodded back at him as your head bowed. Sitting on the uncomfortable bed with the noisy sheet, your feet fidgeted together as you nibbled on your lower lip. A quick knock rasped on the door before Chris popped his head in. His face was ashen with dark circles under his eye, and you became ashamed of yourself; not even able to give him a fake   
smile. 

“Ems” Chris began to say but you cut him off. 

“I don’t want to hear it Chris” you replied in shame, not looking into his eyes. 

He let out a deep sigh before moving closer to you, his hands resting on your knees. “I’m sorry.”

Your head perked up at his apology. “You’re sorry?” you questioned with furrow brows. “Why the hell are you sorry Chris?”

His face became somber as he gazed into your eyes. Your heart rate sped up as you felt your skin start to prickle with sweat. 

“I….I didn’t mean to yell at you. I feel….I feel responsible for this” he gestured to you as he leaned up and began pacing the room. “Fuck, I messed up beautiful and I’m sorry!” 

Tears welled in your eyes as you realized what he was saying. Chris, your perfect boyfriend, the man of your dreams, thinks that he was the one responsible for trying to kill yourself. He had this guilt buried in him and you wanted to take that away from him, because it was under no circumstances his fault. 

Getting off the table you wrapped your arms around his torso and sobbed. “It’s not your fault Chris! Don’t you ever think that!! You did nothing wrong. I’m the one to blame. It was all me. Please don’t think this is your fault.” His hands rested on your back making you feel comforted as you cried into his chest. You were the one who messed this up, not him. He didn’t need to be feeling guilty over the way you acted. 

A knock on the door broke your embrace from Chris. “Emilia” the nurse said with a sad smile on her face. “It’s time to go honey.”

Wiping the tears from your face you gave her a curt nod before turning back to Chris. He cupped your cheeks in his warm hands. “Three days Em. I will see you in three days alright?” 

“Okay” you whispered out your reply as another tear fell down your cheek; Chris quickly wiping it away with his thumb. He bent down and gave you a chaste kiss before leave you   
and the nurse standing in the room. 

~~~

The car ride was silent between Chris and Eric as they drove back to Chris’ house. The soft hum of the motor keeping Chris from going insane as his mind drifted off to you, hoping you were doing alright. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Eric chimed in causing Chris to turn his way. Eric saw the desperate look on Chris’ face; he had been there before in the past when you first tried to kill yourself. “I know it’s tough Chris. But it’s only three days.”

“That’s not the point Eric” Chris replied with a dejected sigh; his hands combing through his hair as his leg bounced up and down. Eric looked towards Chis, his eyebrows quirked asking what he meant. “The point is that this is the second time she has tried to kill herself. We need to do something about it.”

“What do you suggest we do? I mean, we’ve practically tried everything there is. I don’t know what else we could do.”

“I don’t know man. Make her go to rehab or something. There has to be places out there like rehab centers where you have to stay locked up for a month or longer. I don’t want   
her locked up in some psych ward. I want it to be nicer than that.” Chris urged as his mind wandered back to you. 

“You know, that may not be a bad idea. But I don’t think Ems would go for it. She would think we are going behind her back.”

“Yeah, I know. But…but maybe we can talk to the psychiatrist who she’s seeing while she’s locked up for three days. Tell them about the idea. Fuck man, I’ll pay for it all. I just want her to get better. I don’t want to lose her.”

“Ok. Ok we will talk to them tomorrow. See what we can do.”

Chris looked back out the window, and for the first time in a long time, he felt hope. Hope that you would get better.


	15. Chapter 15

It was a repeated nightmare. You had been in this situation before and you did not want to do it again. But you had fucked up, and failed. You told Eric it was an accident, but it wasn’t. You wanted to rid Chris of your problems and you thought the easiest way to do it was to get rid of yourself for good. 

After saying your good-byes to Chris, the nurse escorted you to the seventh floor of the hospital. Back in Minnesota, you had to go to an actual Psychiatric Hospital, but here in Los Angeles, they had an entire ward in the Hospital itself. 

They took all of your belongings and gave you some scrubs to change into. A social worker came in and told you what was going to happen during your 72-hour hold, but you knew it all already. You would be closely monitored just like everybody else. There would be a common room or your bedroom that you would be in at all times. If you had to use a bathroom, a nurse would escort you and stay close by. At some point, a psychiatrist would evaluate you. As mentioned before, a nightmare.

The first day was you would expect. There was a wakeup call in which everyone woke up, did their morning routines, and went to the common room for breakfast. There was a television, board games, and an abundance of self-care paperwork and activities to do if you got bored. There was a therapy session that afternoon in which you refused to partake in, so you sat and listened to everyone else as you didn’t say a word. 

The next day, you finally saw your psychiatrist. You hoped you could work some sort of magic. Knowing this was your second suicide attempt, you had feared the worst.   
“Hello Emilia, my name is Dr. Denise Anderson. I’ve been a Psychiatrist here for close to ten years. I see you had attempted suicide by overdosing on your medication. Can you tell me what happened?”

Putting your best foot forward, you went into this with as much confidence as you could muster. “Well, my boyfriend and I had a fight. And to be honest, it was an accident. I didn’t really mean to overdose. Honestly.”

Her lips pursed in a tight line as she nodded her head, writing in her notebook. “You know, your boyfriend and your brother contacted me last night.” Her words made your heart skip as you sat up straighter. Maybe they were trying to get you out earlier than 72 hours. Your back straightened as you perked up, feeling hopeful as you gazed at her. “They talked to me about an idea and I wanted to run it by you.”

‘Fuck’ you muttered to yourself as you realized this actually might not be a good situation. Sweat started to prickle at your skin as your leg bounced up and down. 

“They came to me with an idea that I will actually agree to. I think it is a good fit for you Emilia. It is a rehab center for those struggling with mental illness, such as Borderline Personality Disorder and self-injury.”

Your eyes closed at the feel of tears forming. You did not want to look weak in front of this psychiatrist but you felt hopeless at this point. “No” you breathed out. “Absolutely not. I will not agree to that.”

Dr. Anderson gave you a dour look. “I know this may be hard to hear, especially because it was your brother and boyfriends idea. But Emilia, this would be really good for you.”

“I said NO!” you shrieked as you threw your hands up in the air. “I am not going to voluntarily throw myself into a rehab facility. No ifs ands or buts about it!”

“I get your hesitation Emilia. Being away from your loved ones for a month or longer. But in all reality, you need this. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this but unfortunately it has.” Her words scared you as both your legs started bouncing up and down. “Because this is your second suicide attempt, and from witness testimony from both your bother and boyfriend that you had stopped taking your medications on multiple accounts, you have one of two choices. You either stay here, for a month, or longer depending on how long it takes for you to recover, or you go to this rehab facility that has already been paid for in full.” 

Your heart sunk to the pit of your stomach. No, this could not be happening. No way in hell were you staying in this psych ward for a month or longer! NO! You wouldn’t do it.   
“The choice is yours Emilia. Although I would choose the rehab facility if I were you. I have sent many patients there over the years and every single one of them has made a full   
recovery from their illness. They are located in Illinois and I have nothing but great things to say about them.”

Your teeth clenched tightly as your hands balled into fists. You had so much anger coursing through your body at this point but you had no way of letting it out. “Who paid for this?” you demanded through clenched teeth. 

“I don’t think that really matters…” Dr. Anderson began to say but you cut her off rather quickly. 

“This is MY life we are talking about. And if someone just up and paid for a month or more at an all-inclusive rehab facility, then I think I have the right to know who paid for it!”   
At this point, you had become so angry, so volatile that you were shaking in your seat. 

Her lips pursed into a thin line as she nodded her head at you. “Alright. It was your boyfriend Chris who paid for it all.”

“Look, I will give you until tomorrow to decide what you want to do Emilia. Unfortunately, because this is your second attempt and it is also multiple times you have stopped taking your medications, either way, you are stuck here or you are stuck going to rehab. You need to get better and you need the extra help. I know it will benefit you. I will get your answer tomorrow.”

The rest of the day you spent crying in your room alone. Your wails not even echoing because of the padded room you were placed in. Your heart was broken. You felt betrayed by Chris. He thought you couldn’t handle this on your own, to make decisions as an adult. 

The next morning, you had come to a decision. It was a decision you did not want to make, but it was something you had to choose nonetheless. 

“Have you made a decision Emilia?” Dr. Anderson asked as you had your afternoon appointment with her. 

Nodding your head, you folded your arms across your chest before you spoke. “I have actually. I took all night to think about it. Weighing the pros and cons of each. But in the end, I decided to go to rehab.”

Dr. Anderson gave you a wide smile at your response. “I’m so happy you decided that path Emilia. Like I said, I have sent many patients there and they have all made a remarkable improvement on their lives. I make sure to check in with them and see how they are doing. You will not be disappointed.”

Later that day, they let you change back into your regular clothes and put you in another small room. It contained a sofa and two chairs, but nothing else. You knew what was going to happen. Either Chris and Eric, or one of them would come and speak to you before being shipped off to Illinois and to the damn rehab. You hoped you could at least see Eric. At the same time, you wanted to see Chris and give him a piece of your mind. 

There was a knock on the door as you stopped your pacing; Eric’s head popping in before he rushed in to give you a hug. He was the best hugger in the world and you felt safe in your brothers’ arms. “Oh Ems!! Fuck how are you holding up?” 

“I’m….I’m alright for the most part” you sobbed into his shoulder as he held you tight. “I’m not happy to be leaving but it’s better than staying here for a month. The food is horrible.” You both laughed at your remark as you each held each other close. 

Eric pulled away too fast for your liking as he looked at you. “I know this isn’t what you expected, but Ems, this is really a stepping point for you. Chris and I researched this place   
and it has great reviews. Even Dr. Anderson said she has sent patients there and they all made a turn around.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you spoke back, “So I’ve heard.”

“Ems, don’t be like that. Please. You’re really all I have left in this world. I barely talk to dad anymore. And speaking of dad, he’s on board for this.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. “Of course he’s on board for this. He doesn’t want a nut case for a daughter.”

The two of you spent a good half hour talking before he left. He let you know that he packed a bag for you with everything you would need. The rehab center would provide you with anything else you needed if he missed packing anything. 

Another knock at the door had you grabbing your back, thinking it was time to head to the airport but you were wrong. Chris opened the door and shut it quickly; his hands going to his pockets as his shoulders hung low. “Ems” he breathed out as he took in your appearance. 

The oxygen was knocked out of you as you saw him. You replayed what you would say to him over and over the last two days in your mind. You were angry, upset, heartbroken and betrayed by his actions of going and paying for this stupid rehab. You didn’t want it, and you certainly didn’t feel like you needed it. 

He started walking towards you but you quickly placed your hands up, motioning for him to stop. “How could you?” you demanded; your voice not all that threatening as tears filled your eyes. 

“Ems…look. I…I need you to get better ok? I don’t want to lose you. Eric doesn’t want to lose you. I didn’t know what else to do!”

You shook your head at him as you turned around. You couldn’t face him for another minute. He was supposed to be on your side, to care and love you. But this felt like everything but that. 

You soon felt his hands placed upon your shoulders and you jerked him away. “NO!” you roared at him. “You do NOT get to touch me Chris!” You felt your face heat up from anger. “I will accept your proposal to go to this fucking rehab center since you already paid for it because I sure as hell am NOT staying in this damn place for a month. But I want you to know one thing” you stated as you stared into his eyes, “I will NEVER forgive you for this.” The words left your mouth faster than you anticipated as you took in his shocked state. 

“You don’t mean that baby. I’m doing this for YOU!” he declared with persistence. 

“I hate you Chris. I HATE YOU! If it wasn’t for YOU I would never be in this situation! If it wasn’t for you contacting Dr. Anderson, I would be home free by now!!! But no, you had to go and put ideas in her fucking head! I HATE YOU!!!” you yelled as you shoved him backwards. He didn’t budge too much, all the years of training to be Captain America paid off in the physical aspect. 

“Ems don’t do this!” he urged but you had none of it. 

“I hate you Chris. This, you and I, are over!” In that moment, two male orderlies came in as one got a hold of you. “I HATE YOU CHRIS” you roared again as the orderly moved you out of the room. “I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!” You kicked and screamed letting your rage take over as the orderly removed you from the   
room, leaving a distraught Chris behind you.


	16. Chapter 16

Timberline Knolls was located just outside the city limits of Chicago and was where you would spend the next month. The entire flight out you couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard you tried. You felt betrayed, deceived and you didn’t think you could ever look Chris in the face again. 

They had a staff from Timberline Knolls meet you at LAX in case you tried to run. Lets face it, you would have in a heartbeat if you didn’t have a babysitter with you the entire time. You gave up, point blank and that was it. 

The flight from Los Angeles to Chicago was long and daunting. When the plane finally touched down you were happy to be out of your seat as your legs and back became stiff from sitting so long. You would never understand how people flew everywhere all the time; it seemed like such a hassle. 

Jack, your ‘babysitter’, helped you with your bags and escorted you out of the airport where a car was waiting for you both. More tears streamed down your cheek as you hastily wiped them away with the back of your shirt. You wanted to be positive about this experience; your boyfriend paying for you to go to one of the best treatment facilities? How could you not be positive about it? Oh, that’s right, because you felt he betrayed you, doing this behind your back and not even talking to you about it. 

In a way, you regretted what happened the last time you saw him. All the screaming and crying, telling him you hated him and saying that the two of you were over. Did you really mean it? At the time, yes. But now, you were unsure. He meant well, but it still broke your heart. 

It took a while to get out of the city, but other than that, you had arrived at Timberline Knolls rather quickly. You had to admit, it was a beautiful place. There was a long private driveway that stretched for miles through a forest before opening up to many smaller buildings. It looked rather cozy. 

“Alright Emilia, we’ll do your intake assessment and then we will get you settled into your room for the night” Jack stated as he opened the door for you and led you to the main bigger building. Looking around, all the buildings were made of stone and brick and it made for a beautiful setting with the woodsy backdrop. 

The intake assessment was the same as usual; question after question after question to get a better understanding of you. With it being your second suicide attempt, having Borderline Personality Disorder and also self-harming, you fit the bill rather perfectly to be admitted to this rehab center. But you quickly learned that this rehab center was a bit different. They took a more holistic approach to recover and that definitely piqued your interest as you didn’t want to be stuffed with medication left and right. 

You thought you would fully shut down while you were here, not talking to anyone and just taking this as a free ride until your time was up. But after hearing everything involved, you were actually becoming more aware that this place might just be a good start. Not only did they take a more holistic approach to your road to recovery but they really help you to understand that you are not alone. 

“At Timberline Knolls, we coach and reinforce each of our patients on interpersonal skills, emotional regulation skills and distress tolerance and management” Sara, the intake specialist declared. 

You let out a sigh of relief as she spoke; nodding intently as you realized that this just might work for you. “This…this actually sounds like something that would help me” you replied with a slight chuckle. You sucked at interpersonal skills, distress tolerance AND emotion regulation. 

Sara smiled at you with her big doe eyed brown eyes. “Well, that is what we strive for. So” she began to say as she looked down at your paperwork, “it looks like you will be with us for 30 days. Unless your doctors say you need more time.”

You cocked your head to the side, your brows furrowed. “I thought it was flat 30 days that I would be here?” you questioned. 

“It looks like your boyfriend paid for up to 90 days, if needed.”

Your eyes became wide at her statement as your heart jumped in your chest. 90 days??? You couldn’t stay here for 90 days!! That was far too long! Anger bubbled within you and you spoke the only thing that came to mind, “He’s my ex-boyfriend.”

After your intake session was done, Sara took you to the dorm rooms where everyone was staying. She unlocked a door before opening it and motioned for you to step inside. You were blown away by how beautiful the room was. There was a queen sized bed, along with a dresser, two nightstands, your own small bathroom and an entire wall of windows. The color was a soft tan and the carpet was plush. 

“It was requested that you have your own room. Now, this isn’t a prison or anything. But everyone needs to be back in their rooms by 10pm and wake up is at 7:00am.”  
You gave her a slight smile as she closed the door. Noticing your bag was already on the bed waiting for you, you let out a sigh as you started to unpack. The room was warm   
and cozy as you felt a sense of loneliness. 

As you finished packing, you laid down on the bed exhausted from the day’s events. It was definitely not how you planned on things going but nothing ever really went your way. Laying on your back staring up at the ceiling, you thought about what you would say to Chris when you ever got the chance to talk to him. You wanted to ask his forgiveness, in   
the way you treated him. You wanted to tell him how sorry you were for screaming at him. You wanted to tell him how much you appreciated him for getting you to rehab and the   
seeking out the help you truly needed. 

In that moment, the phone rang startling you from your daydreaming. Sitting up, you stared at the phone as it continued to ring. It was 10:45 at night and it baffled you as to who could be calling. With hesitation, you lifted the phone off the cradle. “Hello?” you asked sheepishly. 

“Ems” you heard your brother exhale from the other end. 

Tears immediately welled in your eyes as you heard his voice. Your brother, your favorite person in the world who gave the best hugs, who made you feel safe. “Eric” you sobbed out, your body shaking the bed. 

“How are you? Did you make it there safe? How is everything going?” Eric rambled out. 

“I’m….I’m here. Safe and…and sound” you hiccupped out between your cries. “I-I just want to come ho-home though.” It was true. Even though this place seemed great and could really help you out, hearing your brothers’ voice just made you homesick instantly. 

“I know Ems” Eric sighed out. “But that place is amazing. Chris and I researched all night that first night you were locked up. And you just….you just need to give it a try. I think it will really turn out to be great for you.”

You couldn’t even speak; holding your breath as you held back your sobs and became as quiet as possible. You didn’t want Eric to know how lonely you felt. He was always there for you and you didn’t want to make it painful for him. 

“Ems?” he questioned when you didn’t speak. 

“I’m he-here” you hiccupped quietly as you wiped your tears away. 

“I love you Ems. Get your rest and I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“Okay” you whispered before the line went dead. You put the phone back on the holder as you crawled under the covers. You would give anything to be with Eric right now. He would make everything better again. You made a mental note to ask tomorrow if there was a time when family or friends could visit. 

As you stared at the wall as you felt broken hearted and empty; not knowing how you would survive these next 30 days alone. Your phone rang again as you jolted upright.   
“Hello?” you answered hesitantly, not knowing who it could be. 

“Emilia” Chris’ voice sounded on the other end. 

In one moment his voice sent both shivers down your spine, and anger boiling in your bones. You missed him dearly as you wanted to feel his lips all over your body and to have his strong arms surround you. Yet at the same time, you wanted to slap him in the face for doing this to you. 

“Don’t hang up baby….please” his tone was urgent and pleading. At that point you wanted nothing more than to hang up on him, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt. “I miss you so much Ems.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have stabbed me in the back and put me in this place!” your voice rose with each word as your heart started to beat faster in your chest. 

Chris let out a frustrated sigh on his end and you knew he felt guilty. “I’m sorry Emilia. Really, I am. I just…I just want you to get better. I didn’t know what else to do.”

You scoffed at his words. “You could have TALKED to me about this beforehand. Maybe if you set me down, talked to me about this idea maybe I would have agreed.”  
“That’s the thing Ems. Keyword being maybe. What if you wouldn’t have agreed huh? What if your stubborn ass would have started a fight over this idea?”

Well, he had you there. You being the stubborn person you were would probably have put up a fight over this idea. But the way he said it made your insides boil. “You had NO right Chris! NONE! How could you do this to me? Now I’m stuck here for at least a month, maybe more!”

“I CAN’T LOSE YOU EMILIA!” he roared into the phone in frustration. 

“Then maybe you should have just broken up with me then Chris. I told you what you were getting into, but you obviously didn’t think it was as bad as it was.”

“I love you Emilia” he whispered out. His tone was so soft and delicate that it made you shiver. “I love you so much it hurts. I don’t want to lose you. I want you in my life forever. When I opened the door to the bathroom and saw you there practically lifeless, my heart stopped. I don’t ever want to see that again.”

His words made your heart ache but you still couldn’t forgive him for this; not yet at least. Taking in a deep breath, you exhaled for encouragement as you let your mind free. “I’m sorry. Goodbye Chris.”


	17. Chapter 17

The first week was burdensome. You didn’t get much sleep as you tossed and turned all night as your mind constantly drifted to Chris during the day. Sobs would wrack your body as you went to sleep each night, only to be woken up from a dream; then to cry yourself back to sleep because it was just a dream, and not reality. 

You missed him, fuck did you miss him. The way he hugged you, kissed you; his gentle tender touch. But he betrayed you in the end. Instead of coming to you, sitting you down and talking to you about this idea, he just up and did it. You believed that he would have ended up persuading you to come here if he just told you about it. Plus, you were pissed that he had already up and paid for it in full. He had no right, boyfriend or not. This was your life, yours, and everyone was acting as if you didn’t get a say in it. 

By the second week, you started getting into a groove. They had loads of things to do in your spare time and you took advantage of it all. The greatest thing about this place, was that they did not enforce taking medication. No, this was all holistic and you were grateful for that. 

You had your own assigned treatment team that included a primary therapist, psychiatrist and a registered dietician. They helped you recognized conscious choices you make when experiencing feelings such as sadness, anger and shame. Overall, things were finally starting to look up. You learned coping mechanisms, and learned how to become mindful. 

They even had a 12 step program for Emotions Anonymous and Self Mutilators Anonymous! You had no idea those kind of groups even existed! You always thought there was just alcoholic and drug programs. The greatest programs you found however was the Expressive Therapy. You threw yourself into Art Therapy and Self-Defense. Especially after what you endured with your ex-husband Charlie; self-defense classes were really helping you. Not only could you let out your frustration, but you also were feeling like you could finally defend yourself. 

You were sitting at the desk in your room, working on a puzzle book when your phone rang. “Hello?” you answer cautiously. You had not gotten many phone calls lately and you   
were always a bit nervous as to who would be calling you.

“Hello Emilia. You have a guest here. Would you like me to send them to your room?” you heard the familiar voice of Melodie who worked at the front desk ask. 

Your heart leapt in your chest as to who could be visiting you. “Umm, sure Melodie. Send them up” you replied curiously. After hanging up the phone, you shakily got to your feet and looked around your room. It was nice and tidy, everything in its place. Looking in the mirror, you straightened your hair before hearing a knock on the door. 

With unsteady hands, you opened your room door to see your brother Eric standing on the other side. Many feelings rushed through your body; happiness, joy, hurt, betrayal, anger. All the feelings bustling around your body made you dizzy as your hand grasped the wall for support. “Eric. Wha-what are you doing here?” you gasped out as your mind started to clear. 

“I came to see you Ems, to see how things are going” he said with a sad smile. But you didn’t believe him. Eric conspired against you with Chris, to lock you up in a place like this. 

Your heart started pounding erratically as you turned around. You couldn’t face him as tears started to well in your eyes. 

Taking a deep breath, you turned around to face your brother. “You shouldn’t have come here Eric. I’m….I’m not ready to see you yet. At the hospital, before I left, I was so mad and angry but it was more at Chris. Now that I’ve been here and had time to think, I’m just as upset at you than I am him!” you shrieked as your hands waved with craze in the air. By the time you were done ranting, your chest was heaving. 

Eric’s gaze turned to the floor in both frustration and sadness. “Look Ems” he said as his eyes met yours, “I’m sorry. I really am. But after Chris and I talked, we thought this would be something really great for you. Something you could benefit from. It is unlike anything you have ever tried before.”

You shook your head as he spoke. “You don’t GET IT do you Eric? You both BETRAYED me! You both could have TALKED to me about this idea! I would have been open minded about it but you two went behind my back and blindsided me!”

“No Emilia, YOU don’t get it. I’m sick and tired of seeing my baby sister suffer day in and day out! When I walked into that bathroom and saw your lifeless body lying on the floor…..I just….I couldn’t handle it anymore! I don’t EVER want to see that happen AGAIN!” he shouted back at you causing you to take a step back. 

Tears gushed down your cheeks like a waterfall as you used the back of your hand to swiftly wipe them away. You had been doing so well since coming here, but seeing Eric and the two of you fighting; you didn’t think you could handle it. Your fists clenched in your hands as you closed your eyes, concentrating on your breathing, being mindful.   
Upon opening them, you saw Eric standing there, staring at you in awe. With a soft voice, you asked him to leave. 

“What??” Eric asked confused. 

“Please leave Eric. I need to get some rest” you replied as you calmed your breathing. He didn’t budge; instead just standing there, his arms folded across his chest. “Eric, please” you begged. You didn’t want to continue this fight, but you didn’t want to get any worse. You were trying here, trying to remember everything you had been taught since being here. You certainly did not want your anger to get the best of you. 

“Ems, don’t do this. I came here to see you alright. Lets just sit down and talk” he begged. You shook your head, knowing you needed to stand your ground.   
“Eric we can talk another time. But right now, you showing up without notice, it just…it made me think about how you went behind my back with Chris and put me in a place like this. Yes, this place is great for me and I’m learning a lot. But you can’t just come here without notice and expect me to be ok with it.”

Eric hung his head low as he blew out a deep sigh. “Alright. I get it Ems.” He turned around and walked back towards the door. As his hand reached the knob, he turned around to face you. “I’ll be seeing you soon.” With that, he left and you stood in your room alone. A few more stray tears fell from your cheek as you wiped them away. 

Letting out your own sigh of frustration, you changed into your pajamas and got ready for bed. 

As you lay in bed that night, your mind would not shut off. It kept replaying memories of Chris, and how happy the two of you once were. Memories of the last time you had seen him, had spoken to him. He had not tried to contact you ever since you said your last good-bye and while you were hurt, you were somewhat grateful. It gave you a chance to finally focus on yourself. 

Sighing out in defeat, you opened the drawer to your nightstand; your hands reaching for the one thing that broke your heart whenever you looked at it; the promise ring Chris gave you for Christmas last year. Taking it out, you turned on the lamp as your heart ached even more. He promised you so many amazing things, yet you feel like he failed you and you didn’t know if you would ever be able to forgive him. 

~~~

The next morning, you woke up with a smile. It was your session with your Psychiatrist Dr. Rayna Nelson and things have been going so great during your sessions with her. You put on a clean pair of panties and a bra before going through your drawers to find something to wear. Deciding to be comfy, you put on a black pair of leggings with a dark grey oversized hoodie. 

You went to the cafeteria and got yourself a hearty breakfast of pancakes, eggs, toast and bacon along with a glass of orange juice. Once finished, you looked at your watch and noticed it was just about time for your session. 

With a smile on your face, you knocked on Dr. Nelson’s door. “Come on in Emilia” you heard her say from behind the door. 

Upon opening the door, you froze; your hand still attached to the doorknob. Furrowing your brows, you walked into the room and shut the door before turning around to face them. “What the hell are you two doing here?” you barked out as you felt your face become red with anger. 

“Emilia, remember how we talked about when it was ready, that we might be doing a joint session with your brother and Chris? Well, that time is now” Dr. Nelson spoke calmly as she walked towards you. She put her arms around your shoulder and walked you to a chair; right in the middle of Chris and Eric.


	18. Chapter 18

Your hands were clenching the arms of the chair; your knuckles turning white as you closed your eyes to concentrate on your breathing. Both Chris and Eric were on either side of you, their stares boring into you like a laser. 

“How are you doing Emilia?” Dr. Nelson’s tranquil voice chimed in your ears. Letting out a deep breath, you opened your eyes to look at her. 

“Do you want the truth?” you spoke honestly as you tried to keep your voice even. You were mad, hell, beyond mad that you were thrust in yet another situation that you had not expected. 

Dr. Nelson gave you a warm smile, nodding her head. “Of course I want the truth, you know that. Tell me honestly, how are you feeling right now.”

Your gaze left her eyes as you focused on a glass figuring of a fish on her desk, trying to ignore the stares of your brother and your ex-boyfriend. “Honestly, I’m a bit angered right now. I feel blindsided yet again and I wish someone would have told me about this.”

Dr. Nelson nodded her head as she folded her arms on her desk. “I understand where you are coming from Emilia. Your brother and your boy…I mean Chris wanted to surprise you here. When I heard about them coming, I thought it would be best to have somewhat of a family session. Is this something you are alright doing? If not I can ask them to leave.”

Placing your hands in your lap, you started to pick at your nails, thinking about what option would be best. On one hand, you didn’t care to see either of them, especially after your fight with Eric last night. But also, you were trying to get better and you wanted to show them how well you had been doing. It wouldn’t hurt to get their side of the story either. Taking a quick glance at both the men on either side of you, you let out a sigh. “No, it’s alright Dr. Nelson. They can stay.”

Dr. Nelson folded her hands onto her desk as she smiled back at you. “Alright then. Let’s start with you Emilia. Is there anything you wanted to say, or ask either of these gentlemen?” This was it; this was your time to shine, to finally get some answers that kept you awake most of your nights here. 

You let out a deep breath as you closed your eyes. You cleared your mind, wanting to be mindful of this moment; to forget all your worries and fears, and just be present right here and right now. “Why? All I want to know is why you did this to me.” Your voice quivered as you felt a stray tear fall down your cheek. Quickly, you wiped it away. 

“Eric, why don’t you take this question,” you heard Dr. Nelson say; your chin trembling as you did your best to hold back more tears. You felt Eric place his hand on your arm and it took everything in you not to flinch away. You wanted to hear it from him, and not from the screaming match the two of you endured last night. 

“Ems” Eric spoke softly, getting your attention. Prying your eyes off your fidgeting hands, you turned to face him. Even though you were mad at him, he deserved respect for everything he has done in the past for you. “Look, I know it seems like we went behind your back with all this, but you need to trust me when I say it was for your best.” You narrowed your eyes at him. His words practically begged you to roll your eyes at him but you kept neutral. “When you were placed in 72 hour lock up, we were so worried about you. Hell Ems, just seeing you on the bathroom floor, lifeless made my heart stop. It wasn’t the first time I saw you that way and it better well damned be the last time I see you that way.” Your heart broke, knowing how much turmoil you put your brother through in your life span. But you always used to think it would be best for everyone if you just left. Unfortunately, with your stay here, you were realizing just how much more painful it would cause your loved ones if you were gone for good. “I was told you would be kept locked up for a month, considering your past history. So Chris and I devised a plan to get you out of there, and into someplace like here. I knew you wouldn’t have liked staying in that hospital, so it was either there, or here. Please Emilia, you have to realize that we only did it for the betterment of you.”

Eric took a shaky breath as he finished his confession. Your heart broke, with each word as they sunk deeper into your soul. As you spent each day here, your mind became open with insight you never saw before. It was this entirely new journey and you felt more aware of everything you had done, especially to Chris and Eric. Your behavior in the past was appalling, but yet, you were still new to figuring your way out and slowly but surely, you were getting there. 

Reaching towards the desk, you grabbed a tissue and wiped away your tears. Turning back to Eric, you gave him a weak smile. “I know I have been difficult to deal with. Not just lately, but my whole life. Eric, you were always there for me and never gave up. My behavior has been atrocious and I’m so sorry about that. I hope that one day, you will find it in yourself to forgive me.”

Eric’s face became sullen as he sniffled back his own tears. In an instant, he leaned over his chair and wrapped his strong arms around you; and all at once, you felt at peace, at home in your brothers arms. The two of you cried together, embraced in each-other’s arms. 

The rest of the session went pretty good as it focused on bettering your relationship with Eric as more confessions came about. It broke your heart to hear what Eric said, but it was something you needed. It was essential to your recovery to hear what Eric thought about everything, and you were thankful for it. Most of the session was between your brother and you, and not much at all focused on Chris which you were grateful for. 

~~~

After your session, you gave Eric another tight hug, not wanting to let him go as you gave Chris a slight nod and a weak smile. You yearned to touch him, but were afraid you would crumble and not hold yourself accountable. You felt weak around him and didn’t want to take him back. After all, you two were broken up, at least on your account. 

You were exhausted as you headed back to your room, deciding a nap would be great right about now. As you reached your room, you shut the door and kicked off your shoes. Drawing the curtains shut, you were just about to crash onto your bed when you head a soft knock at your door. “Ugh…why” you cried out quietly as your feet padded to your door. 

As you opened it, your mouth opened, and then closed as you couldn’t think of anything to say at that moment. Instead, you looked up into his cerulean eyes, mesmerized by the   
beauty of them. His t-shirt was tight around his ever bulging biceps; it was obvious he had been working out to get ready for his next Captain America role. 

Before you could find words, Chris spoke up. “Can we talk?”


	19. Chapter 19

“Can we talk?” Chris asked as he stood in the doorway to your room. You hesitated for a moment, thinking if this would be a good idea or not. Overall, your heart won over your mind as you opened the door fully for him to walk into your room. 

Quietly, you shut the door behind you as you turned to face Chris; yet your gaze remained on the floor. During your therapy session, it mainly concerned you and your brother Eric; Chris did not get any questions answered and didn’t speak the whole time. 

“Why won’t you look at me Emilia?” Chris’ voice sounded pleaded and it tugged at your heart. Slowly you lifted your head; his bright blue eyes piercing into your soul. He gave you a fragile smile; one that you could not mirror right now. Your heart yearned for his acceptance, for his love; but you didn’t know if you could forgive him. At least not yet. It would take time to heal those wounds. He took a step forward and you quickly stepped back; not wanting to be touched by him. “Baby, what can I do? What can I do to help you?” 

Your eyes narrowed as your lips parted, debating what to say. With a frustrated sigh you walked around him and sat down on your bed; placing your head in your hands. It hurt; you heart, your soul; everything hurt in the presence of him right now. All the memories of being in 72 hour lock up came flooding back; memories of finding out Chris conspired with Eric to get you into this place. “Sweetheart say something. Please!” Chris pleaded as you heard him shuffle towards you. 

Wiping a lonely tear from your cheek, you raised your head to face Chris. “What do you want me to say Chris?” you exasperated; your hands falling to your lap. His eyes became pleaded as he knelt down in front of you. 

“I want to know everything Emilia! How are you doing? How are you feeling? Do you think you could ever forgive me?” Chris’ words jumbled from his mouth quickly; his head falling down. More tears escaped your eyes and all you wanted to do was comfort him, but you couldn’t. Your body wouldn’t let you; your mind wouldn’t let you. You began to heal while you were here in the last two weeks; your mind, for the first time, was not foggy, it was clear. You could see things clearly for the first time in your life; and you felt confident. “When I saw you on the floor of the bathroom…..” he bemoaned. “I lost it. I truly lost is baby. Seeing you on the floor, almost dead. My heart stopped beating in that moment and if you died, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” 

Chris soon controlled his sobs; his head in your lap as you clenched your eyes closed. You wanted to console him, to comfort him but at the same time, he hurt you just as bad. His betrayal broke your heart and you honestly didn’t know if you could forgive him. Only time would tell. “I can’t apologize Chris, for what I did. Not yet at least” you admitted.   
Letting out a sigh of defeat you rested your hand on his head as your fingers thread through his hair. His arms shot out and absorbed your waist, holding you tight as if he never wanted to let you go. “I don’t want to lose you Emilia. I’m sorry for doing this to you, but I need you to get better. I need you to give life a chance….to give us a chance.”

Your chin quivered as your heart smashed to pieces at his words. Deep down, you knew Chris and Eric wanted this for you; knowing it would benefit your life. And it had; you learned so much in just the past two weeks than you had all your life; all without having to endure taking medications each day. You felt alive, at peace compared to the zombified person you were when you took your meds. 

Chris held you tighter as his body shook, holding back his tears. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before releasing it. “Chris,” your voice sounded weak, confused, “I think you should go.” It hurt you to say it, but you couldn’t have him here right now. You would crack, take him back without a single thought and you didn’t want that to happen. Not without fulfilling your final two weeks here at Timberline Knolls. You had to get better; flat out. You needed to do what was right for you, for the first time in your life before you worked on your relationships with others.

Chris flinched before letting go of your waist. He pulled away as his eyes became hesitant. “You want me to leave? Seriously Emilia?”

His hoarse voice and his words felt like a smack to your face; but it was what you needed. “Yes Chris. I think it’s time you leave. I’m sorry you travelled all this way to see me, but I just can’t do this right now.”

Chris stood up, backing away from you as he nodded his head. You truly hoped he understood where you were coming from; that you needed more healing time before you discussed your relationship status with him. He turned, moving towards the door but you quickly stopped him. 

“Wait!” Chris paused; his hand on the doorknob as you marched over to him. “When are you leaving to film the next Avengers movie?” you questioned. 

“I told them I had a family emergency. They moved my scenes back as far as they could. I don’t leave for filming for almost two months.” You sighed in relief, knowing full and well that when you were released from here, Chris would still be back at home; where the two of you could talk and clear the air.   
“Alright” you whispered. 

“Can I have a hug at least before I leave? Please?” Chris begged. You couldn’t deny the fact that you wanted to hug him; every fiber of your being wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him until tomorrow. 

You nodded your head, letting him know it was alright as he stalked towards you. His arms enveloped you and you soon faded away in the warmth of him; your arms wrapping around his back. His scent filled your nostrils as you relaxed in his embrace. 

Chris was the one to pull away this time; his eyes soft. “Goodbye Emilia” he breathed out before turning on his heels and heading out of your room.   
That night you sobbed yourself to sleep. 

~~~

You focused on yourself the next two weeks. Between therapy sessions, psychiatrist sessions, Self-Mutilators Anonymous, Self-Defense classes and dance therapy; your time was fulfilled. The healing process had been difficult; you grieved over what Charlie did to you, and you grieved for yourself. Many sessions you spent crying as you realized just how much turmoil you put your loved ones through. 

By the end of the month, you had lost about 10 pounds and gained lots of muscle; all thanks to the Self-Defense classes. Now, when Charlie got out of prison and if he ever came back to haunt you, you could defend yourself. 

Saying goodbye to the staff was difficult. They made you feel loved, wanted and cherished during you stay here and you didn’t want to leave them. The staff even decided to have a small “going away” party for you; filled with cake and your favorite food. You would miss this place, but you felt ready to take on the world and so did your Psychiatrist. 

~~~

The flight was full as you traveled back to Los Angeles; your luggage in the overhead department as the keys to your and Chris’ house hung heavily in your pocket. You hadn’t texted him yet, letting him know you were on your way home. You somewhat hoped he wouldn’t be home when you got there. 

The plane landed and you got yourself an Uber back to your and Chris’ house. The entire car ride home, your hands fiddled with your phone, wondering if you should text him. 

Before you knew it, you were in the driveway. You paid the Uber driver and made your way to the front door. You stood there, not knowing how to proceed for a few minutes. 

After a deep intake of breath, you held it before letting it go. Fishing your keys out of your pocket you opened the front door. Instantly you were greeted by Dodger as he wagged his tail happily, pouncing onto you. “Hey boy! Have you been good while I’ve been gone?” you asked as you scratched behind his ears. Dodger sat down as his tail thrummed on   
the floor making a loud racket. 

“Dodger!” you heard Chris yell from upstairs as your heart ceased its beating. Your mouth became dry as you stood back up on your feet; Dodger padding away towards Chris’ voice. 

It felt as if your heart stopped beating; the world around you disappearing as Chris turned the corner, coming into view. He stilled his movements as he realized who was in his house. “Emilia” he breathed out as he slowly started to make his way towards you. 

With a small smile, you replied, “Hello Chris.”


	20. Chapter 20

It felt as if your heart stopped beating; the world around you disappearing as Chris turned the corner, coming into view. He stilled his movements as he realized who was in his house. “Emilia” he breathed out as he slowly started to make his way towards you. 

With a small smile, you replied, “Hello Chris.” 

It took every fiber of constraint not to run into his arms at this very moment. Chris paused a few meters in front of you as he took in his form. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a black fitted t-shirt. You had to admit, the healing process evolved even more your last two weeks at Timberline Knolls. You healed, and you grieved for your old self as you slowly welcomed the new person you became. No more medications, no more urges to self-harm. You felt whole for the first time in your life; you felt peace for the first time in   
your life. 

Tears formed in the corners of your eyes and you didn’t even bother to stop them from rolling down your cheek and onto your shirt. You wanted to show him your tears; your tears of happiness, not sadness. 

Chris’ face went from surprised to anxious. He nervously bit his lower lip not knowing how to continue with you. Was he supposed to reach out for you? Hug you? Let you cry by yourself? Either way, you didn’t care. You were just happy to be home and you hoped he would forgive you; forgive you for everything you put him through. The room was silent aside from your sniffles and Dodger panting behind Chris. 

You couldn’t take the tension anymore as you threw your purse on the ground and ran for Chris. He instantly opened his arms for you as you crashed into him, making him stammer back before planting his feet steadily on the floor. 

“Oh baby” Chris cried out with you as he held you in his arms. Your own tears soaking into his shirt but neither of you cared at this point. It felt wondrous to be in his arms again; to feel his warmth, to feel his protection. 

Lifting your head you looked into his eyes; still bright blue but now rimmed with red. In this moment you never loved him more. Your mouth parted slightly as your gaze turned towards his lips. Chris noticed as his mouth turned up in the corner, giving you your favorite smirk. 

Chris bent down as his lips acquired yours. The kiss was soft, fragile and just what you needed. His lips were exceptionally soft as you let out a soft hum. For the first time in a long time, you felt a fire begin to burn in your bones. Your knees began to buckle as your hands grasped his neck for support. Chris tilted his head, deepening the kiss as you   
melted in his clutch. You took his lower lip into his mouth as you gave it a slight nibble; a growl erupting from Chris; your skin beginning to prickle in delight. 

Chris parted your lips as his lust blown eyes stared back at you. He bent down and took your thighs in his hands, easily lifting you around his hips as he carried you up the stairs and to the bedroom. Your breath hitched in your throat at the desire filled in his eyes; you never wanted him more. 

Your clothes, along with his were quickly shred off your body as you two were nothing but a mess of tangled limbs on the bed. His mouth connected with yours as both of your hands roamed along your bodies, getting a feel of how things used to be. 

A gasp left your lips as you felt Chris’ hands at your folds, teasing your core. “Fuck baby you’re so wet” Chris cooed as he slipped a lengthy finger inside of you. Your back arched off the bed as you felt your orgasm start to build. Chris knew just how to work you and it had been way too long since you found your released. You felt a mouth latch to your hardened nipple as a strangled cry left your throat. 

“Chris! I’m….I’m close” you panted out, your mouth going dry. Chris added a second finger as his thumb played with your clit. Your eyes rolled back in your head and you saw stars as your release burst through you, screaming Chris’ name. 

As you came to you felt Chris’ soft lips peppering your chest with light kisses. A soft sigh escaped your lips as your hands curled into his hair, bringing him up to your lips. Hitching your leg over his ass, you used your new found strength to flip him over and straddle his lips. 

Chris’ eyes widened in surprise. “Emilia how the hell did you just do that?” he laughed as his hands roamed to your backside. 

“The self-defense class I took in rehab really helped me gain some muscles” you replied coolly; your nails skimming down his torso as he shuddered underneath you. You gripped the base of his cock; his hips jolting as you pumped him slowly. Teasing your slit, you got his cock wet with your juices as his hands grasped your hips. 

“I need to feel you Emilia. I need to be inside you” Chris begged as you continued to tease your slick folds. Admittedly, you were having fun teasing him but you wanted him, more than anything.

With one hand gripping his cock, you used your free hand to grip his neck. “Come here Chris” you purred as he positioned himself so his back was up against the headboard of the bed. You lined his member up with your entrance as you gradually sunk down onto him, feeling him stretch you in such a delicious way. Both your moans filtered throughout the room as he became sheathed in you. 

You leaned your forehead on his as Chris tenderly stroked your back. As you became adjusted to his size you lifted your hips before sinking back down on him. You felt everything; every ridge, every vein. You desperately needed to feel more as your hips began to gyrate on him. Chris took a nipple into his mouth as your head fell back, reveling in the feel. 

Your breathing quickly became ragged as your hips began to slow. Chris didn’t seem too keen on the idea of slowly down as he started jutting his hips upwards. You soon found a rhythm that worked together as you connected lips yet again. His tongue found his way in your mouth making you groan. Your body was in overdrive as he continued to pummel his hips upwards. 

It didn’t take long before you felt your second orgasm approach. Your hand found your clit and you started to circle it, picking up speed with Chris’ thrusting. You felt your walls begin to tighten as you put more pressure on your nub. “Yesyesyesyes!!!!” you cried out in pleasure as your orgasm barreled through you. As you clenched your eyes closed you saw a burst of white stars behind a dark night; the rest of your body frigid as Chris’ cock worked you through. 

“You. Feel. So. Fucking. Good,” Chris grunted with each thrust before his movements stilled and you felt his hot seed shoot into your core. Your arms latched around his neck as you held him through his release. As your chest heaved you calmed your breathing as it quickly returned to normal. 

Pulling away you looked at Chris lovingly, a smile etching onto your face. He smirked back and gave you a chaste kiss before lifting you off him. You felt his cum drip down your thigh as you watched him head to the bathroom. 

“Have I ever told you that you have a great ass?” you remarked as he came back into the room; a wet cloth in hand. He barked out a laugh as he swiftly cleaned your thighs and core. You winced, feeling sore almost immediately as it had been awhile since the two of you shared any intimacy. 

Lifting the covers you got comfortable in bed. Chris emerged from the bathroom again as he crawled into bed next to you. He pulled you close as you lay your head on his chest; your arm splayed across his torso as he kissed your head. 

“You didn’t call,” Chris remarked. You knew what he was talking about. After your mutual session with Chris and Eric, and after Chris came to try and talk to you in your room, you never contacted him afterwards. You disconnected your phone and you didn’t reply to any of his phone messages. 

“I know,” you replied with a sigh. “And I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want you to worry, but I really needed to focus on myself Chris. To focus on healing and getting better.” Chris kissed you on head yet again as you relaxed into his side. 

“Since when do you pleasure yourself when we have sex?” Chris asked with a shake of laughter making you giggle out. 

“I don’t know! Maybe a newfound sense of confidence?” you questioned as you burst into a fit of laughter. The bed shook as you both laughed and soon Dodger joined in on the party as he jumped onto the bed; laying his head on Chris’ leg. 

Chris roamed his hand up and down your back as you nuzzled into his chest. “I missed you Ems. I didn’t know if you were coming back to me or not.”

His confession made your heart break as you remembered the time you screamed at him; screaming that the two of you were over. Leaning up on your elbow you gazed into his eyes. The silence was unbearable and you knew what you needed to do. “I’m sorry Chris. For everything. I put you through so much hell, so much turmoil and I am honestly still   
surprised you want to be with me.”

Chris raised his body so he was face to face with you; his hands cupping your face tenderly. “Emilia, I told you I would never give up on you, and I don’t plan on starting now.   
Baby, I deserve what you said. I did go behind your back but I just….”he trailed off as his head drooped, shaking it back and forth. “I just needed you better. Whether you forgave me or not, I just needed you to be better. And from the looks of it, that place helped you.”

Giving him a small smile, you gave his lips a chaste kiss. “And I know that now. After one month, I know that what you did was all to benefit me, and help me. And I really don’t know how I can ever repay you Chris.”

His eyes began to water as he wiped away the tears forming. “I don’t want you to repay me baby. I just want you to be with me. That’s all I ask.” 

The two of you embraced one more, crying on each-other’s shoulders. It was the best release you had; a different kind of release. Everything was aired out in the open; the forgiveness settled. Chris had been there for you, through your deepest, toughest times and not once did he leave you, so how could you now leave him? The boulder of weight on your shoulders were lifted and you felt free. That night, the two of you got no sleep as you made love over and over. 

4.5 Years Later

Birds sang as the sun shone through the curtains as you groaned awake. Reaching over you felt the other side of the bed was cold. A whimper escaped your throat as you realized Chris had not been in bed for quite some time. Opening your eyes you noticed it was nearing 10 in the morning. 

Sitting up, you stretched your limbs as you let out a soft yawn. You smelled breakfast cooking and your stomach grumbled. 

“Good morning sleeping beauty” Chris spoke softly from the doorway of the bedroom; a tray of breakfast food in his hands. 

You smiled back at him. “Good morning handsome.” Chris placed the tray of food on your lap. It consisted of pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast and a glass of orange juice.

“It looks amazing Chris!” you gushed as you quickly dove in. A moan escaped your mouth as you bit into the warm bacon. Chris watched you eat; his eyes intently on yours. 

Taking the toast you held it up to his mouth as he bit into it. You giggled as you took a bite, wiping the crumbs from the corners of your mouth. 

When you finished Chris took the tray and placed it on the floor. He turned to face you as a smile lit up his face. You noticed he had his hand behind his back and you furrowed your brows in wonder. Without much of a hesitation, Chris took the hand that was hidden behind his back and placed it in front of you; a black velvet box in hand. Your eyes widened as your heart began to beat erratically. 

“Emilia,” Chris began as he took one of your hands in his. “The first few months were rocky, but we prevailed. You are, without a doubt the strongest woman I have ever met in my life. You have overcome so many obstacles in your life and you conquered every problem that ever arose. I am in utter awe of you.” He opened the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. A large diamond sat in the middle as multiple smaller diamonds glittered around it. The band itself was white gold. “The past five years have been the best of my life. Throughout everything we have been through, I want you to be by my side forever. Let me protect you, let me love you, let me be there for you. Will you marry me?”

Your hands covered your mouth as tears sprung to your eyes. The two of you haven’t even mentioned marriage at all the past year of your relationship; you were just happy to be with Chris. You looked at the ring before glancing at Chris; his smile lighting up his face. “YES!!!” you cried out in joy as you nodded your head quickly. “Of course!!!” 

Chris chuckled as he took the ring from the box and placed it on your left ring finger. You held your hand up as you watched the diamonds glisten in the sunlight. Your heart felt ready to burst, so full of love as you pulled Chris in for a passionate kiss.


End file.
